I'll Always Be Proud

Drunken sleep, a shepard without his sheep
Taking what you've said and slowly admitting defeat
And when the casket closes and all my mistakes are exposed
It'll be such a relief for you to know the road that I'd chose
And when you think of me in your bed
When you're trying to fall asleep some nights
I hope I'm not remembered as a fuck or someone you despise
I'm composed of cheap cigs and fast food
I need your time but I'm not trying to intrude
I just needed you to hear me
Not the guy you've heard that sings those songs, the real me with feeling
The one who did you wrong
I long for just a minute, a minute of your time
I'll probably ask for forgiveness 'cause right now I'm in my prime
Every single second of every day
And every moment I replay all of the words I said, the ways I left you broken
I'm choking and soaking in things she wrote in her notes
And I feel a lump in my throat
Just wishing time could be frozen
Detached I relapse and sit back and watch the days pass
Maybe it's best if I'm forgotten with no backlash
And it's somehow so soothing to see you finally move on
I don't feel like I'm losing
It just hurts when you flaunt
I want something more for you than I could ever give
It makes me fucking sick inside you'd choose me over him
'Cause I can't buy you nice things or even things that you need
I'd steal the moon for you or food for you and starve while you feed
Can't you see? I'm a mess, an added stress, a vacant nest
Glued together by memories and you said it best
Life's a bitch until we die
And for the longest time I tried to tell myself that that was a lie
And I'd shy away from thoughts like that but now I just thrive
Some days I feel as if my brain won't let me unwind
I sound so pathetic but I'm losing my pride
But I can't hide in it, I'll die in it before I subside

Don't leave, don't leave me hanging
All your things packed in your car and I'm facing
All the things that I said
All the nights stuck in my bed
Wishing you could leave
But you were scared of losing me

Watching your car pull out of the driveway for one last time
I'm sick and I'm stuck in a rut, it's a thin line between all the tensions
The suffering and trials
And my own self absorbed way of life
I'm a child, I wanna taste you one more time
And tell you you're all mine but now I'm left with no spine
And all the blame's just mine, it's a crime
To hold you here with those eyes
If you ever see or think of me I hope you realize
That you're better off now
And I'll always be proud