Tale of Mary Drew

The time has come to tell you of the tale of Mary Drew
Who buried 16 husbands at the age of 22
Some say that she is a monster
The evil widowed bride
But you'll find there's more to it when you hear how they all died

At 16 she met Charles it was love at first sight
They marry sunday morning and they buried him that night
They all thought it tragic but none thought it foul play
Until six months later on her second wedding day

There was Charles and Barry and Nick and Mark and Jon
Michael and Terry, Henry, Sam and Ron
There was Billy and Willy and Mathew and Fred
There was a James and a Brian
And now they're all dead

Barry was a strapping lad as strong as any ox
But after just two days with her he wound up in a box
The police they were alerted and just had to come around
But a poor sad widow was all the coppers found

They looked for clues each time But never found a trace
Each husband was found naked with a smile on his face
They put the clues together, an answer came to light
None of these men could handle one of Mary's wedding nights

There was Charles and Barry and Nick and Mark and Jon
Michael and Terry, Henry, Sam and Ron
There was Billy and Willy and Mathew and Fred
There was a James and a Brian
And now they're all dead

Now Michael was what some of you might call a ladies man
Said Mary just need taming and I have the perfect plan
Well, they heard him beg for mercy and then beg her not to stop
So unless his plan was suicide I guess it was a flop

It see Mary she was packin some extraordinary heat
And only the bravest would slip between her sheets
16 men went to heaven, right before each die
But she was always happy to become a new man's bride

There was Charles and Barry and Nick and Mark and Jon
Michael and Terry, Henry, Sam and Ron
There was Billy and Willy and Mathew and Fred
There was a James and a Brian
And now they're all dead

Willy was a clockmaker as punctual as could be
And so they were married at precisely 10 past three
When he went to the bedroom he knew He was tempting fate
Next morning for the first time that poor Willy he was late

Mathew was a blacksmith and a bitter angry man
His neighbors they suggested that he asks for Mary's hand
When they put him down to rest He was grinning ear to ear
And the neighbors all let loose with a very tasteful cheer

There was Charles and Barry and Nick and Mark and Jon
Michael and Terry, Henry, Sam and Ron
There was Billy and Willy and Mathew and Fred
There was a James and a Brian
And now they're all dead

Well I had to know though I don't mean to be obscene
And she agreed that I would be her number 17
So we were married Sunday, I was ready for the thrill
And they buried her at Monday by the tree up on the Hill

There was Charles and Barry and Nick and Mark and Jon
Michael and Terry, Henry, Sam and Ron
There was Billy and Willy and Mathew and Fred
There was a James a Brian and Mary Drew
And now they're all dead