Thank God for Girls

The girl in the pastry shop with the net in her hair
Is making a cannoli for you to take on your hiking trip in the woods
With your bros that you've known since second grade and you
May encounter dragons and ruffians and be
Called upon to employ your testosterone
In a battle for supremacy and access to females glued to the TV
And even if you are victorious
You may receive many cuts and bruises and scrapes and you will
Require band-aids and antiseptic ointments
And tender love and kisses on your stab wounds
And when you come home she will be there waiting
For you with a fire in her eyes
And a big fat cannoli to shove in your mouth
And that's why you

Thank God for girls
Holla Jesu Christe
From Tennessee to LA
Thank God for girls
On your reckoning day
You better bow down and pray

She's so big, she's so strong
She's so energetic in her sweaty overalls
Thank God for girls (Thank God for girls)
Thank God for girls (Thank God for girls)
Thank God for girls

I'm so glad I got a girl to think of
Even though she isn't mine
I think about her all the day and all the night, it's a
'Nuff to know that she's a-live, she says I
Give her sweaty palms, she almost had a heart attack
The truth is that I'm just as scared, I don't know how to act
I wish that I could get to know her better, but
Meeting up in real life would cause illusion to shatter, oh I
I carved her name into all the trees
I sang a song down on one knee
Looking at the underwear page in the Sears catalog like when I was 14
I'm levitating like a magnet turned the wrong way around
I'm like an Indian fakir tryin' to meditate
On a bed of nails with my pants pulled down

Thank God for girls
Holla Jesu Christe
From Tennessee to LA
Thank God for girls
On your reckoning day
You better bow down and pray

She's so big, she's so strong
She's so energetic in her sweaty overalls
Thank God for girls (Thank God for girls)
Thank God for girls (Thank God for girls)
Thank God for girls

God took a rib from Adam
Ground it up in a centrifuge machine
Mixed it with cardamom and cloves
Microwaved it on the "Popcorn" setting while Adam was like (woo hoo) "that really hurts"
Goin' off into the tundra, so pissed at God
And he started lightin' mighty forest fires stealin' osprey eggs
Messing with the bees who would try to pollinate the echinacea
Until God said "I'm a smite you with loneliness and break your heart in two"
And Adam wept and wailed, tearing out his hair
Falling on his knees, looked to the sky and said
"Thank God"