Whatever It Takes

Man, last five years has been a weird ride
Through some real lows and some real highs
When I set sail it was clear skies
Then I realised something was missing
I started seeing the success that I dreamt of
It came in a trade off like "Guess what?
Apart from your best song, the rest of is slept on"
So kept on tryna figure out where I went wrong
This ain't the reason I got in it for
Is all they're gonna see then I don't even want it anymore
Shit, a little voice said "Come on Pez, I know that it's hard
At some point you're gonna have to let go of the past
Start moving on, just move beyond
This bullshit, if people doubt you then prove them wrong."
Instead I seem to fall into this dark place
When you pass blame to deal with the hurt

And every single day I feel the feeling get worse
You can justify through the sets of responsibilty
This feeling of resentment
Relieves and being full of contempt can mislead (yeah)
I had to let go, with that intend to proceed
And accept my problem isn't with them, it's with me
It took being at my wits end to concede
But now I've had some time to reflect and see

And after finally feeling that peace of mind
Now I think I need some time just to realign
Some peace and quiet
So I can free these demons eating at me
And then try to release this shit I keep inside (yeah)
But instead I have my back up
'Cause the first one went well and I got pressure now to backup
I know when I feel uptight, I can unwind
Sometimes I wish I can go back to being unsigned

When I'd sit there in my room and I'd just write
Didn't give a fuck about the outcome
Now I can't think without one and when the doubt comes
It's something you can't outrun, I know, I've tried
So it's like I'm sitting here tryna find
That feeling I used to feel when I would write
I don't know what it was, I'm pretty sure it used to be joy
'Cause it's something that I used to enjoy
Now I don't even really know if there's emotion
Because most of the time I feel like
I'm just going through the motions
I write 'cause I have to
Shit, I know that that ain't right but I have to
And the thing is there's this image in my mind
That I find I'm attached to
It's how the guy back in time, I'm like that's you
A reminder in the back of my mind
Of a high that was at that I'm trying to get back to
I never can