Farewell Fitness

Well, I don't run and I don't swim
You'll never see me in a Gym
From what I've heard, I won't fit in
'Cause fitness ain't for me
'Cause I like eating chocolate
Pizza, cheese and meat
Well, it really doesn't bother me
That I can't see my feet

I said goodbye to exercise
I learnt to love my chunky thighs
Just upsize my fast food fries
And call me mister big

Well, if I'm honest, I'll admit
I've not been one for keeping fit
I really couldn't give a
Minute of my time to it
Well, call me lazy or a slob
A couch potato, lazy sod
I just don't want to get a job
(Could you pass me another beer...?)

I said goodbye to exercise
I learnt to love my chunky thighs
So just upsize my fast food fries
And call me mister big

If you've got a belly like a Buddha
Then you really, really, shoulda
Played more sport when you were younger
Instead of feeding pangs of hunger
With those midnight pantry plunders

Because obesity is plain to see
A result of inactivity
Don't you give me no apology
Do you really really, really, wanna look like me?
Seriously?

I often say on New Year's day
When on the scales myself I'll weigh
I'll endeavor to change my ways
But diet ain't for me
'Cause I'm not vegetarian
No yoghurt, nuts or fruit
I'd rather be a carnivore
You can stick your coriander up your pumpkin soup

I said goodbye to exercise
I've learnt to love my chunky thighs
Just upsize my fast food fries
My belly's bigger than my eyes
Bathroom scales? They tell lies
You can keep your biggest loser prize
Exercise will be my demise
Just call me mister big