I'm Allergic to Cats

Good evening, Doctor O'Hara
I'm glad you could make it
I know it's frustrating getting to midtown at this time of day
The uptown N R is a pain
Not to mention the rain
But thank you for coming, sir
I've got something to say
I'm allergic to cats
That's part of the reason I asked to have dinner with you
I'm allergic to cats
I know it's hardly a life-threatening medical hullabaloo
See when I was born
They expected me later
So I spent two months
In an incubator
Ever since that
I can't be near a cat
I can tell by your smirk
You think this is silly and borderline phobic, perhaps
But this innocent quirk
Can cause such a violent reaction, my lungs could collapse
So bear with me sir
This is nothing sordid
Your patience I promise
Will be rewarded
I'm really not bats
Just allergic to cats
But Julie, Julie loves cats
As you know, they're her passion and joy
She knits them little sweaters
And crochets them hats
For their birthdays she sews them their own special toy
There's Meowser
Miss Mew
Cookiepuss
Alexander
Her couch is a playground of pee and dander
So I cough and I wheeze
Pop a fistful of Claritin D's
Try to hide before anyone sees
I'm allergic to cats
For over a year
I've hidden from Julie each anaphylactic display
Cause she's such a dear
If she knew cats make me suffer she'd give them away
But she is my world
I live for her truly
Julie loves cats
And I love Julie
So she tickles their toes
And I smile as my throat starts to close
But I vow that she'll never suppose
I'm allergic to cats
Well, Doctor O'Hara
I fear that I've buried the headline
The point of this story is murky I have to concede
I hope that I've shown you tonight
I love your daughter with all of my might!
So humbly I stand
Asking you for her marital hand
Wedded life will be blissful and grand
With Julie
And Meowser
Miss Mew
Cookiepuss
Alexander
The dander
The pee
And me!
Achoo, whoa!