Shattered

I stand before you a shadow of my intended self
Fallen from the heights I was made to inhabit
Delve into my psyche and you'll find what's likely
Echoes that have faded slightly
Of that garden where true life must be
I called it home
Now forced to roam, a vagrant
Covered in the scent of death, I mask it with cologne, your favourite
Asking where the days went?
I pace the pavement and swim through seas of faces
Brushing past, but never trying to meet their gazes
Instead I wear a facade, proceed to trod through barren lands
Hoping to escape the face of God, hide my shame behind my hands
To face the light, bring my true self to sight
Being exposed to your vision would put even mothers to flight
Crave for connection, but upon introspection
I doubt the real me would could ever gain your affection
I keep it hidden, keep my secrets sinning
Crave relationship but making objects out of women
Seems like I'm locked out of my dreams, I'm spinning.

I'm glued up but you still see the cracks
The years were taken
But he's giving them back
All that I am was broken and shattered
He took what I had and told me I mattered.

Submerged to death emerged to eternal life
This foetus called out from the water
Second birth from paradise
Beginning knitted in the womb
Bread of life consumed
Vine shared in the upper room
Won't find me in the tomb
I was a broken vessel
No horror story
But still had to wrestle
I give him glory I ain't nothing special
In fact my heart is rebel
Let my guard down its flirting with the devil
But he meets in my dreams it's Bethel
I'm nestled in him grip
And he won't let me go no matter if and when I slip
You see its not mine but his onus
He lived the life that I should have lived, so salvation's a free bonus
I came to the end of myself
The end of my efforts the end of my strength
And instead of giving up I gave it up
And now on Jesus' strength I bank
I'm Ranked among the heirs
This broken jar of clay repaired
An ex-Tare, sorted with the wheat I'm spared.

Heartfelt
For all those times I knelt and cried out to Yaweh
So many times I did it my way
Few times I learned the hard way
Wish i could say it was a bad upbringing
But truth is I'm the only one to blame for my sinning
One day ya check me grinning next minute I'm down spinning
Deeper into pride, blinder by the stride
Thank God he never let me hide too long
Conscience was seared and heart was pronged
Holy spirit wronged, grieved
By my actions, stubbornness and greed
But he maintained the seed
Brought to my knees and sent his breath to lead
And as I look in retrospective
I get perspective
And realise that God in his mercy
Was still protective
Where a situation coulda been dire
From the other side of the fire
I see his hand in what transpired
The lessons are part of my composition
If I only woulda listened
But the good side is that I came away with wisdom.