Burlington Bertie

I'm Bert, p'raps you've heard of me
Bert, you've had word of me,
Jogging along, hearty and strong
Living on plates of fresh air
I dress, up in fashion
And when I am feeling depressed
I shave from my cuff all the whiskers and fluff
Stick my hat on and toddle up West

I'm Burlington Bertie, I rise at ten thirty
And saunter along like a toff
I stroll down the Strand with my gloves in my hand
Then I stroll down again with them off
I'm all airs and graces, correct easy paces
Without food so long I've forgot where my face is
I'm Bert, Bert, I haven't a shirt
But my people are well off you know.
Nearly everyone knows me from Smith to Lord Rosebr'y,

I'm Burlington Bertie from Bow.

I'm Burlington Bertie, I rise at ten thirty
And saunter along Temple Bar
As down there I skip
I keep shouting 'Pip Pip!'
And the darn'd fools think I'm in my car
At Rothschild's I swank it
My body I plank it
Across his front door step with 'The Mail' for a blanket
I'm Bert, Bert, and Rothschild was hurt
He said ' You can't sleep here' I said 'Oh'

He said 'I'm Rothschild sonny!' I said 'That's rather funny,
I'm Burlington Bertie from Bow'

I'm Burlington Bertie, I rise at ten thirty
And reach Kempton Park about three
I stand by the rail, when a horse is for sale
And you ought to see Piggot watch me
I lean on some awning while Lord Derby's yawning
Then he bids two thousand and I bid Good Morning
I'm Bert, Bert, I'd buy one, a cert

But where would I keep it you know
I can't let my man see me in bed with a gee-gee
I'm Burlington Bertie from Bow!

I'm Burlington Bertie, I rise at ten thirty
And Buckingham Palace I view.
I stand in the yard while they're changing the guard
And the queen shouts across "Toodle oo"!
The Prince of Wales' brother along with some other
Slaps me on the back and says "Come and see Mother"
I'm Bert, Bert, and Royalty's hurt,
When they ask me to dine I say no.
I've just had a banana with Lady Diana
I'm Burlington Bertie from Bow
I'm Burlington Bertie
I'm Burlington Bertie from Bow.