I Forgot To Have Children

Did you ever have somethin' slip your mind—
You can't imagine what it is, but you always find
You're so sorry you forgot it,
Sorry you forgot it?
Like a really big deal that passed you by,
You try and you try to remember why
You're so sorry you forgot it,
Sorry you forgot it.
Well, that was me until yesterday;
Woke up and discovered, to my dismay,
I forgot to have children!
Forgot to have 'em,
Soon it'll be too late.
I been workin' like a maniac day and night,
And I'm certainly entitled to an oversight,
But how did I forget it,
How did I forget it?
Maybe the alarm went off and I hit the snooze,
Now I'll never be buyin' those tiny shoes,
Or those cute hats with the animal ears,
Or the economy bottle of No More Tears.
Playin' catch-up, thinking of me,
I didn't get rollin' on a family,
Now see?!
I forgot to have have children!
Forgot to have 'em,
Soon it'll be too late.
I stumbled at the starting gate.
Who will I dress up on all those Halloweens?
How will I pass on my very own set of genes?
I don't know, baby.
You tell me.
I forgot to have children!
Forgot to have 'em,
Soon it'll be too late.
Last week at the airport,
I saw a sweet sight
A mother with toddler,
Pre-boarding my flight.
The mom helped her daughter
To gather her things,
Gently refastened
Her fairy-tale wings.
I thought that they seemed
Like a nice little team.
For only a moment,
I entered a dream.
There was a guy I knew at BSU;
He was a real smart cookie and a looker too,
Had eyes to be a daddy.
Me, I wasn't ready.
I met a silver fox at the Jersey Shore.
He'd had six with his ex but he wanted more.
"Just not my scene, Mr. Epstein."
I got dogs and cats and ferret kits,
All cute as corn, I love 'em to bits,
But I forgot to have
Pretty little children!
Forgot to have 'em,
Soon it'll be too late.
I stumbled at the starting gate.
Who will I write down on my living trust?
Who will I teach how to make my cracker crust?
I don't know, buddy,
I'm comin' up empty.
I forgot to have children,
Forgot to have 'em.
I've lost my keys, my grammy's locket,
Left my phone in the
seat-back pocket,
Forgotten that perfume I hate,
And the names of guys
I used to date,
Proving repeatedly
What a terrible scatterbrain I can be,
And I forgot to have...
Ooh wee,
Silly, absent-minded me,
Soon it will be
Too late!