Holding Back Tears

Look, was never lyrical, but read a couple books
Was more than criminal, I empathized with crooks
Life give the minimal, so scraps is what we took
So, when it's critical, no time to be shook
Ain't say I'm hood, but my neighbors ain't invite me in
Made them uncomfortable, I used to wish for lighter skin
I used to hate myself, "My mind is sick" is my defense
Low self-esteem, not aligning more with righteous men

Since Tiwanne died, my mind kind of switched
Another homicide lied on the dry cement
I couldn't even cry, all I wanted was revenge
Some wounds never heal, even time couldn't fix
The tide I'm against in a ship ready to capsize
In troubled waters, I guess I'm getting baptized
Ask for forgiveness for every time that I backslide
Would be a miracle, drown in hate for the last time

Holding back tears, going back years
Ain't want to feel pain, I let go of that fear
I been holding back tears (tears)
I been holding back tears (tears)
I been holding back tears, going back years
Ain't want to feel pain, I let go of that fear
I been holding back tears (holding back tears...)

Look, was never any good with matters of the heart
Don't hand me yours if you been fragile from the start
Not skilled in discipline or mastering the art
Designer fabrics are more flattering with scars
I'm a flawed man, ah, man (ah, man)
Look, glad my salvation wasn't left into y'all hands
If you ain't never had to scrape, scratch, or crawl man
I don't need your opinion 'cause you an off brand (off brand)

Now try and picture my frame of mind
Portraits developed in dark rooms, it's taking time
A fine craft on display with a great design
Often at a loss for words, but I can make it rhyme (make it rhyme)
I guess I'm saying that I'm on a soul search
And when all that glitters ain't gold barely denotes worth
Numb the pain, the liquor says that it don't hurt
Holding back tears, I'm praying to God I don't burst

I'm holding back tears, going back years
Ain't want to feel pain, I let go of that fear
I been holding back tears (tears)
Holding back tears (tears)
I been holding back tears, going back years
Ain't want to feel pain, I let go of that fear
I been holding back tears (holding back tears)
I been holding back tears (holding back tears)

But I bear the burden, share the sermon
Tell the truth, then share my purpose
The time's now, it's never been more urgent
The time's now, it's never been more urgent
I bear the burden, spread the sermon
Tell the truth, then share the purpose
The time's now, it's never been more urgent
The time's now, it's never been more urgent
I been holding back tears