Fast and Loose

What a strange twist of fate
To leave my power cable
At the office today

Late at night I drove back
There you were
On the curb
With your hand on him that way

I watched the two of you
Get on a bus
And I followed you home
Like a misery addict

Dry heaving and weaving through traffic
Regressing and stressing, my breathing erratic

When the truth is disgusting I feel like I must stare
If I want to move on, it's the best way to get there

On that day I began to unravel
I could see all the knots you had tied
I could handle the loss of a friend and a lover
I could weather the shame and the shots to my pride
And I feared for my work reputation
I was scared that my lie would blow up in my face

But what I was most afraid of
Was that I'd go back
To being just like you
Playing fast and loose
Playing fast and loose with the truth

I worked so hard to get past it
And I swear that you set me back
I don't ever want to go back to
The cowardice of youth
The cowardice of youth
The cowardice of my youth

I just couldn't get it right this time
Once again I had to learn that lesson
Yeah, ok I saw the warning signs
But I was running from a deep depression

And if I really try to pick apart the reasons that I settled for a mistress
When I could've found a wife
I focus on the most pathetic notion: that just coasting with a coward meant
I wouldn't really ever have to try
I couldn't give you my heart, so I just tried to fix your life
Now the karma's so thick I wanna cut it with a knife
We were running our respective patterns into the ground
And now I'm finally climbing out while you just fucking stay down

So what I am most afraid of
Is that I'll go back
To being just like you
Playing fast and loose
Playing fast and loose with the truth

I worked so hard to get past it
And I swear that you set me back
I don't ever want to go back to
The cowardice of youth
The cowardice of youth
The cowardice of my youth