Subcultures (Radio Edit)

I tried to act sociable with the guys down the local
But soon realized I was bein' too hopeful
I don't know cars, and I can't throw darts
So I knew in my heart that I stood no chance

I tagged along with a gang of vagabonds
But my plans to bond went badly wrong
I got nervous, tryin'a rob purses
Long before the cops surfaced
I thought 'it's not worth it'

I spent the night with some hippie types
Passing the biggest pipe that I've ever seen, in my life
I thought crusties were all about love and peace
But they got uppity when I finished off their fuckin' weed

I tried to get friendly with some trendies
They tried to tell me to get my hair bleached
Know what I thought of their fashion tips?
I said thanks but I'm happy with the natural look I've landed with

I tried to chill with some garage ravers
I can't believe what wankers they were
You have a rude attitude, aren't you ever in a happy mood?

I met some UK Hip hop heads on the internet
Thinkin' "yes, I finally found some kids who share my interest"
They spent the next 60 minutes on some winch and flex
Bitchin' 'bout who they think is better, Chester P or Jehst

I started chillin' with some indie kids
Who dressed as if they didn't have a penny
When they're clearly privileged
Obnoxious Oxford posh kids in a mosh pit
Watch me as if I was dog shit
I thought "Fuck this."

I went to a party full of arty farty wanna be dottys
All dreamin' of the day they paint their masterpiece
Charming freaks, dressed alarmingly
So you can't perceive the possibility
That artistry's not in their arteries

I met some footy hooligans
Moody cunts, who can't remember when they first threw a punch
When I told them that I support no one
They called me a homo and bust my nose open

I met some lads who had recently outed
Who moved like drag queens when they pouted
I tried to think that it shouldn't be a problem
But really we just didn't have a damn thing in common

I met some nasty girls
Who looked like Barbie dolls
Dressed in Armani clothes
I knew their hearts were cold
They treated me like a thick inbred, with disrespect
And I don't take shit from stick insects

I met a couple into S&M
She was a leggy wench
He was among the most scary men I've ever met
They wanted me to wear leather kecks
Come and sit next to them and be their special friend

At this point I thought I needed help
None of these subcultures offered me
A spot where I could be myself
I told them all "Fine, do what you like to
But don't let the limits of your pastime define you"