A Change in Altitude

I still see your face some nights
and you're smiling, telling me that
where you're now is draped in bright lights
and though I know it's just my own bad conscience
taking your shape in ethereal ways
it's somehow soothing

I could have picked the phone up, let you know that I cared
I don't know why I was scared
I could have come by after school and talked about your day
why the hell was I not there?

how could I think you'd always be around?
yes, I saved the hardest words for other days
a lack of backbone had me sinking down
subsiding soundlessly into myself

some say blood and water differ well in thickness
but money soaks them both with equal quickness
and through the bullshit and attorney letters
no-one truly felt it lead to something better
there were so many things I should have let you know
I don't recall once saying how I loved you so

a choral song flows from the balcony
but crooning strangers can not comfort me
"death is just a change in altitude",
the chorus goes but what if that's not true?
did you miss me too, just like I missed you?

years from now when I'm a shade over the phone
waiting for someone to call home
will they care to let me know if I'm not alone?

bringing flowers tied in rings
is too late to mean a thing
like the words I kept within
while you where breathing