F.M.I.D.

Lately, I like to take walks after work wearing nothing but my undershirt
The wind picking up my eyes
The blood rushing back to my heart
There's a show on the corner with some kids I met in Oakland
You're sitting on the roof of your car parked right outside the record store

And have you seen my self-esteem?
It's picking up its feet out of the gutter it was laying in
"Just blowing off some steam"
It's fine, let's walk the tracks until my shorts are ripping at the seams
We'll drink a 40 and play polo in my single speeded dream

When she gets drunk, she calls me a loser and I get worried that I'll lose her
And have to make a bunch of new friends in another stupid town
And play my Game Boy on the front porch at Pergs
Tryin' to realize that the butterflies that live inside my stomach gotta die

And I leaned back and looked up, it said, "Fuck me, I'm drunk"
In sharpie on the ceiling of the 76 in downtown Arcata
This town's gone to shit, one day I'll learn to commit
But for now, I'm throwing pumpkins down the hill at Laurel and California

My lungs are blacker than the perique packs and pupils in your eyes
After the 40 minute real-talk all the way to In-N-Out
We drive each other to our tipping points
There's months of lean blunts, pizza joints
There's nothin' like the shit found out talking to your mom so late at night

And even though it's been getting easier lately
It takes a lot to convince me that people don't hate me
And sometimes, when I'm in the car with you guys
I feel like maybe I'm not that crazy
And I'm getting better, and some day I'll get all this straight inside my head
But right now I'm still trying to learn how to keep a steady circle of friends

But you gave me cocaine for my 19th birthday
And about a year ago that day, we almost got arrested at the movies
And I was just there talking with my hands shaking in my pockets
I looked at you and read your lips, they said, "I've got your back if you've got mine"