Happy Birthday (My Olde Friend)

Grab the chair, boys! We've got another bucket kicker!

Happy Birthday my olde friend
It seems this horror show will never end
Any moment's your last breath
Here is to another day closer to death

The cake is on the table
And it is awfully bright
'Cause there's so many candles on top
But you are so decrepit
Your chest so tight
When you blow them out your lungs are gonna pop
You cannot complain
Each time you feel a pain
Though you have arthritis and gout
'Cause when you start kvetching
All your teeth fall out

So have another cigarette
Have another beer
Raise your glass to one more year. (GONE!)

Happy Birthday my olde friend
It seems this horror show will never end
Any moment's your last breath
Here is to another day closer to death

Your skin is so worn out and old
All over your body it's sagging
Especially loose is your old caboose
You're dragging it behind you in a wagon
Well, you're an alcoholic
And you're blind and deaf
And you have Alzheimer's I bet
You're too old to remember
But you're too drunk to forget

So have another cigarette
Have another beer
Raise your glass to one more year. (GONE!)

Happy Birthday my olde friend
It seems this horror show will never end
Any moment's your last breath
Here is to another day closer to death

You're so old you smell like dust
And now your bones begin to rust
See that face, it's full of wrinkles

So have another cigarette
Have another beer
Raise that chair to one more year. (RAISE!)

Happy Birthday my olde friend
It seems this horror show will never end
Any moment's your last breath
Here is to another day closer to death

Happy Birthday my olde friend
It seems this horror show will never end
Any moment's your last breath
Here is to another day closer to
Your
Sweet
Death