If I Only

If I only knew how to make a few
Then I would pay my dues and I'd be making music

I've spent over a decade tryna do this
And I've been ruthless and fueled by my true grit
But loose lips lose ships in a movement
I've been clueless, I'm foolish, it's fruitless
I'm rotting getting older as the Springs turn to Summers
In a purge, unlearning everything, I think I'm getting dumber
So is this ignorance some bliss or a bummer?
I miss the innocence, amiss, a misnomer
Cuz I'm meta, there's no telling what I might find
When I get up in get in my head inside my mind
My imagination's medicine in my mind's eye
Yet it's said I'm a wreck, I don't get it, why'm I blind?
I'm aware Matt's vision is impaired, that fiction
Isn't there, I'm mad livid as I stare back thinking
I been bitter, committed, pitiful, bareback dicking
Every snare, clap, and kick in every shared track, spitting

I write about what I know
I'm a titan down with the flow
And I mighta been sounding dope
If I could tighten the rope I'm wrapping around my throat, choke
I'm piff and pitiful, pissing away my mental woes
Inventing it letter by letter, listen, pay attention folks
I'm never better while itching to spit a head of hopes
Headed to regret it, I said it I meant it, get it though?
I'm a dichotomy, a heavenly sin
When compared to a paradox, I'm identical twins
With the fairest nefarious fettered fact-told fibs
I'm embarrassed to care, but I care an ass load, shit
My progress stopping though the Sauce keeps talking
On them all, beats knocking through the walls, seems odd
But I've been honest to god, I'm a bomb and armed, tick tocking
In a song, it's impossible, but I'll keep rocking out

I've been up in the game for a decade, I'm insane
I'm a veteran but never got a credit to my name
I ain't in it for the phases of fortune or fame
I'm saying I'm out the frame, I ain't forced to decay
I said this shit like I know something
I'm a pessimist on a low budget
I never set out to blow, fuck it
So I guess I'll never know nothing