My Old Man's a Dustman

Now here's a little story
To tell it is a must
About an unsung hero
That moves away your dust

Some people make a fortune
Others earn a mint
My old man don't earn much
In fact he's flippin' skint

Oh, my old man's a dustman
He wears a dustman's hat
He wears cor-blimey trousers
And he lives in a council flat

He looks a proper nana
In his great big hobnail boots
He's got such a job to pull them up
That he calls 'em daisy roots

Some folks give tips at Christmas
And some of them forget
So when he picks their bins up
He spills some on the step

Now one old man got nasty
And to the council wrote
Next time my old man went 'round there
He punched him up the throat

Oh, my old man's a dustman
He wears a dustman's hat
He wears cor-blimey trousers
And he lives in a council flat

I say, I say, Les
Yes?
I, er, I found a police dog in my dustbin
Well, how do you do know he's a police dog?
He had a policeman with him

Though my old man's a dustman
He's got an 'eart of gold
He got married recently
Though he's 86 years old

We said, "Ere, hang on, Dad
You're getting past your prime"
He said, "Well, when you get to my age
It helps to pass the time"

Oi! My old man's a dustman
He wears a dustman's hat
He wears cor-blimey trousers
And he lives in a council flat

I say, I say, I say!
Huh?
My dustbin's full of lilies
Well, throw 'em away then!
I can't, Lily's wearing them

Now, one day whilst in a hurry
He missed a lady's bin
He hadn't gone but a few yards
When she chased after him

"What game do you think you're playing?"
She cried right from the 'eart
"You've missed me, am I too late?"
"No, jump up on the cart!"

Oi! My old man's a dustman
He wears a dustman's hat
He wears cor-blimey trousers
And he lives in a council flat

I say, I say, I say!
Not you again!
My dustbin's absolutely full with toadstools
How do you know it's full?
'Cause there's not mushroom inside?

He found a tiger's head one day
Nailed to a piece of wood
The tiger looked like miserable
But I suppose he should

Just then from out a window
A voice began to wail
It said, "Oi! Where's me tiger's head?"
"Four foot from his tail"

Oh, my old man's a dustman
He wears a dustman's hat
He wears cor-blimey trousers
And he lives in a council flat

Next time you see a dustman
Looking all pale and sad
Don't kick him in the dustbin
It might be my old dad