All I Want for Chrismas Is a Dukla Prague Away Kit

There was one in the gang
Who had Scalextric
And because of that
He thought he was better than you
Everyday after school
You'd go round there to play it
Hoping to compete
For some kind of championship
But it always took about 15 billion hours to set the track up
And even when you did
The thing never seemed to work

It was a dodgy transformer
Again and again
A dodgy transformer
Again and again
It was a dodgy transformer
Again and again
A dodgy transformer
That cost 3 pound ten

So he'd send his doting mother
Up the stairs with the stepladders
To get the Subbuteo
Out of the loft
It had all the accessories
Required for that big match atmosphere
The crowd and the dugouts
And the floodlights too
You'd always get palmed off
With a headless centre-forward
And a goalkeeper with no arms
And a face like his

And he'd managed to get hold of
A Dukla Prague away kit
'Cause his uncle owned a sports shop
And he kept it to one side
And after only five minutes
You'd be down to ten men
'Cause he'd sent off your right-back
For taking the base from under his left-winger
And cut to half-time
You were losing four-nil
Each and every goal
A hotly diputed penalty
So you'd smash up the floodlights
And the match was abandoned
And the dog would bark
And you'd be banned from his house
And your travelling army of synthetic supporters
Would be taken away from you and thrown in the bin

Now he's working in a job with a future
Hands me my Giro
Every two weeks
And me I'm on the lookout for a proper transformer
Er