I'm Just an Ordinary Man (From "My Fair Lady")

Well after all,
Pickering,
I'm an ordinary man,

Who desires nothing more
than an ordinary chance,
to live exactly as he likes,
and do precisely
what he wants...

An average man am I,
of no eccentric whim,

Who likes to live his life,
free of strife,

doing whatever he thinks is best, for him,

Well... just an ordinary man...

BUT,
Let a woman in your life
and your serenity is through,

she'll redecorate your home,
from the cellar to the dome,

and then go on to the enthralling
fun of overhauling you...

Let a woman in your life,
and you're up against a wall,

make a plan and you will find,
that she has something else in mind,
and so rather than do either
you do something else
that neither likes at all

You want to talk of Keats and Milton,
she only wants to talk of love,

You go to see a play or ballet,
and spend it searching
for her glove,

Let a woman in your life
and you invite eternal strife,

Let them buy their wedding bands
for those anxious little hands...

I'd be equally as willing
for a dentist to be drilling
than to ever let a woman in my life,

I'm a very gentle man,
even tempered and good natured
who you never hear complain,

Who has the milk of human kindness
by the quart in every vein,

A patient man am I,
down to my fingertips,
the sort who never could,
ever would,
let an insulting remark escape his lips

Very gentle man...

But, Let a woman in your life,
and patience hasn't got a chance,
she will beg you for advice,
your reply will be concise,

and she will listen very nicely,
and then go out
and do exactly what she wants!!!

You are a man of grace and polish,
who never spoke above a hush,
all at once you're using language
that would make
a sailor blush,

Let a woman in your life,
and you're plunging in a knife,

Let the others of my sex,
tie the knot around their necks,
I prefer a new edition
of the Spanish Inquisition
than to ever let a woman
in my life

I'm a quiet living man,
who prefers to spend the evening
in the silence of his room,
who likes an atmosphere as restful as
an undiscovered tomb,

A pensive man am I,
of philosophical joys,
who likes to meditate,
contemplate,
far for humanities mad
inhuman noise,

Quiet living man...

But,
let a woman in your life,
and your sabbatical is through,
in a line that never ends
comes an army of her friends,
come to jabber and to chatter
and to tell her
what the matter is with YOU!,

she'll have a booming
boisterous family,
who will descend on you
en mass,

she'll have a
large wagnarian mother,
with a voice that shatters glass,

Let a woman in your life,

Let a woman in your life,

Let a woman in your life

I shall never let a woman in my life.