Hard To Be the Bard

My days are so busy, its making me dizzy theres so much i gotta do
Theres lunches and meetings and poetry readings and endless interviews
Gotta pose for a portrait and how i deplore sitting there for
eternity then its off to the inn where my innkeeper friend wants to
name a drink after me.
Then its off to my room where i resume my attempt to
write a hit Just me and my beer and the terrible fear
That I might be losing it
And its hard
MAN SERVANTS:
It's hard

It's hard,

MAN SERVANTS:
It's hard

It's really hard
So very very hard

MAN SERVANTS:
It's really hard
Very very hard

I make it look easy but honey believe me
It's hard

MAN SERVANTS:
It's hard

It's hard,

MAN SERVANTS:
It's hard

It's so

SHAKESPEARE & MAN SERVANTS:
Incredibly hard
So inconceivably, unbelievably hard

It's hard to be the bard

Honestly, I don't know how I do it.
There's only so much of me to go around.

I've got so many fans
With so many demands
I can hardly go take a piss

MAN SERVANTS:
He can't pee

Be it theater-freak or
The autograph-seeker
They all want a piece of this

MAN SERVANTS:
Gimme, Gimme

It's a cross that I bear,
I'm like Jesus, I swear
It's a burden but I suffer through it

MAN SERVANTS:
He is suffering

It's all part of the game,
The trappings of fame
But somebody's gotta do it

MAN SERVANTS:
So he does it

And I know, I know, I gotta go
And get back to my pen and ink
Oh don't make me do it,
Don't make me go through it
Can somebody get me a drink!

'Cause it's hard

MAN SERVANTS:
It's hard

It's hard,

MAN SERVANTS:
It's hard

It's really really hard
It's sexy but it's hard

MAN SERVANTS:
It's really hard
Sexy but it's hard

This bar that I'm
Raising to be this amazing!
It's hard,

MAN SERVANTS:
It's hard

It's hard,

MAN SERVANTS:
It's hard

It's so

SHAKESPEARE & MAN SERVANTS:
Annoyingly hard
So unavoidably, unenjoyably hard

It's hard to be the bard, baby

I know writing made me famous,
but being famous is just so much more fun. You see...

What people just don't understand
Is that writing's demanding
It's mentally challenging and it's a bore
It's such a chore
TO sit in a room by yourself

Oh my god, I just hate it!

And you're trying to find
An opening line or a brilliant idea
And you're pacing the floor
And hoping for just a bit of divine intervention
That one little nugget that one little spark
Then Eureka! You find it you're ready to start
So now you can write, right? Wrong!
You're not even close, you remember that damn it,
Your play's gotta be in iambic pentameter!
So you write down a word but it's not the right word,
So you try a new word but you hate the new word
And you need a good word but you can't find the word
Oh where is it, what is it, what is it, where is it!
Blah-blah-blah, ha ha, ah-ha -UGHHHHHHHH!

Sir.

Hello.

You asked for information on what Nicholas
Bottom is writing. Our spy is here with the news.

Did he see me losing it?

He's half blind, sir.

Oh, good. Then he only saw half of it.
You see what I did? Ha ha. Speak, man. What news?

EYEPATCH MAN:
I saw Nick Bottom, I did.
He paid a soothsayer to foresee what
Shakespeare's greatest play would be.

That sneaky little thief! Why doesn't he come up with his own ideas!?

MAN SERVANTS:
It's hard

No. It is, isn't it?
It's really the worst

MAN SERVANTS:
It's hard

Makes me wonder why I didn't think of that first

MAN SERVANTS:
It's hard

Hard to alleviate the pressure to create

MAN SERVANTS:
It's hard

Hard to do something as good as the
last thing I did that was already great

MAN SERVANTS:
It's hard

It's hard,

MAN SERVANTS:
So hard that he is stealing from the bard

Well I'll hoist him by his petard
All I need is a clever disguise

MAN SERVANTS:
Clever disguise

I'll make him pay for those devious lies

MAN SERVANTS:
Devious lies

Let him do all the tedious stuff
The work that's terribly and unbearably hard
Cause it's hard

MAN SERVANTS:
It's totally hard

SHAKESPEARE & MAN SERVANTS:
It's hard

MAN SERVANTS:
It's totally hard

SHAKESPEARE & MAN SERVANTS:
It's hard

MAN SERVANTS:
It's totally hard

I've got fortune and fame
Everyone knows my name
I can't help it if it's so freakin' hard