Titties N Beer (Live at Palladium, New York City, NY, 10/28/1977 - Show 2)

It was the blackest night there was no moon in sight
You know, the stars ain't shinin' 'ause the sky's too tight
Heard the scary wind, I've seen some ugly trees
There was a werewolf honkin' 'long the side of me

I'm mean and I'm bad, you know I ain't no sissy
Got a big-titty girly by the name of Chrissy
Talkin' about her and my bike and me
And this ride up the mountain of mystery, mystery

I noticed even the crickets actin' weird up here
And so I figured I might just drink a little beer
I said, "Gimme some of that what yer suckin' on"
But there was no reply 'cause she was gone

Where's those titties I like so well?
And my goddamn beer is what I started to yell
Then I heard this noise like a crunchin' twig
And up jumped the devil, he's about this big

He had a red suit on and a widow's peak
And then a pointed tail an' like a sulphur reek
Yes, it was him, alright, I sweared I knowed it was
He had some human flesh stuck underneath his claws

You know it looked to me like it was titty skin
I said, "You son of a bitch", 'cause I was mad at him
He just got out his floss and started cleanin' his fang
So I shot him with my shooter, said, "Bang-bang-bang"

Then the sucker just laughed and said
"Put it away, you know, I ate her all up
Now what you gonna say?"
You ate my Chrissy? (Yeah, titties 'n all)
Well, what about the beer then? (Now, were the cans this tall?)
Even her boots? (Would I lie to you?)
Shit, you must've been hungry (yeah, this is true)

Well, don't they pay you good for the stuff that you do?
Well, you know, I can't complain when the checks come through
Well, I want my Chrissy (oh, yeah?), and I want my beer
So you just barf it back up now, devil, do you hear?

Listen, blow it out your ass, motorcycle man
I mean, I am the devil, do you understand? (oh, yeah?)
Just what will you give me for your titties and beer?
I suppose you noticed this little contract here

You're goddam right, you son of a whore
That's about the only reason I learn right before
Gimme that paper, bet your horns I'll sign
Because I need a beer, an' it's titty-squeezin' time

Man, you can't scare me, you ain't that bad
Yeah, you shoulda seen some of the souls that I've had
Man, there was Milhous Nixon and Agnew, too
And both of those suckers was worse than you

Let's make a deal if you think that's true
I mean, you're supposed to be the devil, so whatcha gonna do?
Well, now, wait a minute, I don't know if you're the right cat, you know (come on, spit it out, boy)
I don't know man, you know, I just don't know about this (hey, look)

Let me explain it to you very simple
You can have my soul, it's a mean little sucker about 1000 years old
But once you get it you can't give it back
You gotta keep it forever and that's a natural fact

Well, hang on just a second now, you know, 'cause...
Now I really don't know if you're the right cat, you know

Hey look, have I ever lied to you? (Well, uh, you know)
I mean, would I stir you wrong? (Now, I don't even know you that long, you know, I have to be careful)
You know, well, listen, we should get better acquainted, you know?
I figure you and me together would make a good team. You know?
I mean, I like, I like your style
I like your little mask, I like your horns
You have a very good beat
You're cute (listen now)

No, I just threw that in there, just to amuse you
You are cute, though
You got a... Let's admit it, you are cute
Here. Hold this, I wanna find out what's on this film, ha ha ha
I bet it's really good

Back to the song now. Look
I wanna go down there, I've heard that throughout literature
There's all these stories about people who make a deal with the devil, you know
The devil gets their soul, and as soon as the Devil gets the soul
Then of course everything is wonderful, you can have everything you want, everything on Earth is really cool, you know
And all you gotta do is give a guy with a rubber mask your soul
I figure that's a pretty good deal, you know, since I don't believe in any of that shit, so look, let's make a little deal
I'll go down there, sure, I'll play along with the gag
You can have my soul, I'll go down there with you
Only I wanna be able to take some other people with me (who's that, man?)

You know who it is, we...
Same as last show
I wanna take everybody who works for Warner Bros. Records
And what do you wanna do with them?
I want all of those guys, all those guys and gals
I want the entire Warner Bros. Communications family, every fucking one of them, down there with me
Okay
You know, I wanna be able to say with authority, "Get down, Warner Bros."
You know what I mean?

Okay. Now, while they're down there, I want they should be really comfortable, you know?
I think that they should have the best, only the best
Have you heard of a device called The Tower Of Power?
Have I heard of a device called The Tower Of Power?
What?
You mean, you mean that little, uh, wooden spindlely-like object, you know, kinda like a stool with a little anal plug in it that you seat on?"
Yes, precisely the device
Here's what I want you to do
I want you to rig up a bunch of those things, see
But instead of the cute little vinyl, the pink vinyl butt plug, I want you to rig up some nice rusty ones
Made up of Carborundum with a hand grenade attached to the top of it that's rechargeable (far out)
And I want the whole thing to rotate powered by about a thirty horsepower motor, you know, for really consistent ream ability
And I want a Naugahyde detonator. Can you work that out?
I think it can be arranged, yes

Hey, listen, I can just see Mo and Dave Berman squatting on that thing
And then, while they're playing the entire Fleetwood Mac songbook, I'll pull the chain and it'll blow up over and over again
Can you? (Real neat)
You can dig it, right?
I knew you'd be into it
And can I have anything else I want? (I don't know, man)
I want titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer
I want titties and I want beer. I want titties and beer
Titties and beer, I want titties and beer
I want titties and beer, I want lots of titties and beer
No contract, man. No deal, wait. Hold it

No, don't sign it, give me time to think
I mean, hold on a second, boy, 'cause that's Magic Ink

And then the devil barfed and out jumped my girl
They heard the titties plop-ploppin' all around the world
She said, "I got me three beers and a fistful of downs
And I'm gonna get ripped, so fuck you clowns"

Then she gave us the finger, it was rigid and stiff
That's when the devil she farted and she went right over the cliff

The devil was mad, I took off to my pad
I swear I do declare how did she get back there?
Swear I do declare how did she get back there?
I swear I do declare how did she get back there?
Swear I do declare how did she get back there?