Power

You were a friend to me
You told me all that was on your mind
And it meant so much to me from the beginning
How it was so kindred-spirited to mine

I'd think of you sometimes in the early morning
As I dressed to meet a plane, before the cab came
How I let you down when I had the most to give
I let you down but you were quick to forgive

You wanted to help me
You wanted to sit and talk for hours
But I wanted power

I tried words, I tried feelings
I tried closed my eyes believing
I tried getting you on my side
I tried being on top of it, I tried responsibility
I express myself properly, I got blindly angry

With my whole heart in it, but there was no conduit
There was no sure way to it, I thought that I had blown it
The further I got in it, the stranger it was to win it
I could not have it but still I searched from sheer force of habit

I felt like I was descending
Some strange inverted tower
Looking for my power

I wanted permission, I wanted expedition
I wanted to have weight to throw around
For you to look up when I found something so beautiful
I could tell you somehow, I'd never have to shout
You'd listen to my know-how, all the love our love allows

I felt so clumsy and plain
I was filled with so much shame
Just trying to say, to say, to say
To call out anything by name
Every line felt lifted, every smooth stone was pitted
By the wind and rain that hit it
And I never could forget it, as you forgot it

I wanted to set it all down
So it would open to you like a flower
Yes, I wanted power

I fell asleep on the plane
And I woke up strange
Twisted in the pale blue seat
An hour gone by
The sun was rising again, keeping distant
Over the blackened blue rim of the sky

I spent my whole life thinking
That I was some kind of coward