I'll Be the Next to Go // Surely, We'll See Each Other Soon

A flash
A spark in your eye
That quickly recedes from vision
Replaced with
Faces half-formed
And memories half-invented
A dream-state masquerading
As your waking life
Waking Life

You live with
Vague ideas
Concerning
Limitless potential
'Til you're blindsided by
The passing of time
And realize you've run
Out of options
And realize you've run
Out of options

And suddenly
You're aware of
Your mortality
Death casts a shadow
Over everything you do
The present is intangible
Infinitely divisible
Out of reach
A flicker of light
Shows us where we're
Set to wander

Outside a five-story tenement
In a city where it always rains
A car waits
On Mabbot Street, stumbling next to children shaken in
St. Vitus' dance, we phase in and out of personas
A clarion call sounds from miles away, the
Aural embodiment of our collective unconscious
I hear it all from my apartment
We used to laugh about this

So I return to that class, the one that used to meet by the lake
The one we swore someone had drowned in
You were there, sitting under an old redwood
(I forget what we used to call it)
Scented of soap, buttons bound with salt, speaking little
Yes, your boyfriend wove through an infinite loop
While you quietly dreamt of westerns
Saying "Okay, I'll be part of this world"

There were sirens passing St. John the Apostle
I was up the street near the Temple Beth when I heard them
Not swept up in a terrible tremor
For in the pit of my stomach I knew
A waltz sailed through an open window and despite everything I smiled
Because I knew you didn't die in four-four time

I remember staring at constellations, wondering where forever went
So you told me that everything flows into everything else
That a shout in the street might be god or a note in the orchestra
Each wave passing faintly and faintly passing through the universe
I return to that now, in this life of limited options
You're so far away, reduced to a handful of traits
I know this will never be good enough
But even though I can't capture your essence

We're not separate
We're not separate
Hell may be other people, but then truthfully, so is heaven
We're not separate
We're not separate
This is but your first death
I'll keep speaking your name