Titties N Beer (Live At The Palladium, NYC / 10-29-77 / Show 1)

It was the blackest night
There was no moon in sight
You know the stars ain't shinin'
'Cause the sky's too tight

I heard the scary wind
I seen some ugly trees
There was a werewolf honkin'
'Long the side of me

I'm mean and I'm bad
Y'know I ain't no sissy
Got a big titty girly
By the name of Chrissy

Talkin' about her
In my bike and me
In this ride up the mountain of mystery, mystery

I noticed even the crickets
Actin' weird up here
And so I figured I might
Just drink a little beer

I said, Gimme summa that
What yer suckin' on
But there was no reply
'Cause she was gone

Where's those titties I like so well
And my goddamn beer
Is what I started to yell

Then I heard this noise
Like a crunchin' twig
Up jumped the devil
He's about this big

He had a red suit on
And a widow's peak
And then a pointed tail
And like a sulphur reek

Yes, it was him, alright
I know it was
He had some human flesh
Stuck underneath his claws

You know it looked to me
Like it was titty skin
I said, you son of a bitch!
'Cause I was mad at him

Well he just got out his floss
And started cleanin' his fang
So I shot him with my shooter
Said, bang, bang, bang

And then the sucker just laughed
And said, put it away
You know, I ate her all up
Now what you gonna say?

You ate my Chrissy?
Yeah, titties and all!
Well, what about the beer then?

Now, were the cans this tall?
Even her boots?
Would I lie to you?

Shit, you musta been hungry
Yeah, this is true
Well, don't they pay you good
For the stuff that you do?

Well, you know, I can't complain
When the checks come through
Look here, I want my Chrissy
Oh, yeah

And I want my beer
So you just barf it back up
Now, devil, do you hear?
Look

Blow it out your ass
Motorcycle man!
I mean, I am the devil
Do you understand?

Just what will you give me
For your titties and beer?
I suppose you noticed
This little contract here

Yer goddamn right
You son of a whore
That's about the only reason
I learned writin' for

Gimme that paper
Bet yer horns I'll sign
Because I need a beer
And it's titty-squeezin' time

Man, you can't fool me
You ain't that bad!
Oh, yeah?
Why, you shoulda seen
Some of the souls that I've had

There was Milhous Nixon
And Agnew too
And both of those suckers
Was worse than you

Alright, let's make a deal
If you think that's true
I mean, you're supposed to be the devil
So whatcha gonna do? Hey

Well, I don't know what I'm gonna do
I mean, uh
I don't know if you're the right cat for the job
You know? I mean (yeah?)
I just don't know about uh

You mean, going to hell (letting you into hell)
Is like having a job?
Say that again?

You mean, going to hell
Is like having a job?
Yeah

You mean, I have to apply
To go to hell?
Well, that's what you told me to do
Just kidding (ha ha ha ha)

Now, you just supposed to say
Oh, well, a cloud of doom
Crosses my mind
When you say you want to make a deal with me

Okay (now, wait a minute)
Wait, that's my own shit
I thought we were talking about you
And something else

Do that one (okay)
Here we go
Hit it (okay)

A cloud of doom
Crosses my mind
When you say that you
Want to make a deal with me

Got you worried now, huh (yeah)
Listen, you can have my soul
It's a mean little sucker
About a thousand years old

But once you gets it
You can't give it back
You got to keep it forever
And that's a natural fact

Get the picture?
Oh, man, now uh
Now you really got me confused
I do?

I mean, what kind of cat are you really man
Hey look, I'll tell you (look what I'm getting into here)
Let me give it to you straight
Okay

Only because I like you so much
Because you really look good
With that particular mask on

And, hu hu (that is a good mask)
And does this mask
Is so fucking hot (ha ha)

(I bet it smells really neat inside too)
Well, you better get this over with quick
Yeah and this stupid little right here (ha ha)
Is roasting my weenie

Eh, but you
You got the littlest costume on
So you're okay
Yeah, I know but still man (alright)
It's more skin to burn, you know? (look, here)

Here, here is the
The crust in the biscuit
As they say in the trade

I don't mind going to hell
You understand this? (Yeah)
I don't care
That doesn't bother me

So long as I achieved my objective
What, what objectives, man?
What is this? (Well, look)
All I mean was today really is

Titties and beer
Titties and beer (no, oh no)
Titties and beer (no!)

Titties and beer
(Oh, you can't be serious)
Titties and beer
Titties and beer
(No, please no, wait)

Titties and beer
Titties and beer
Titties and beer (no)

Titties and beer
(No, no, no)
Titties and beer (that's too abnormal)
Titties and beer (no, no, please wait)

Titties and beer (wait)
Titties and beer (wait)
Titties and beer (wait!)
Titties and beer

No! don't hold
Don't sign it!
Give me time to think
Hold on a second boy
'Cause that's magic ink!

And then the devil barf
And out come my girl
There her the titties
Flop-floppin' all around the world

She said, I got me three beers
And a fistful of downs
And I'm gonna get ripped
So fuck you, clowns

Then she gave us the finger
It was rigid and stiff
That's when the devil, he farted
And she went right over the cliff

The devil was mad
I took off to my pad
I swear I do declare
How did she get back there?

I swear I do declare
How did she get back there?
I swear I do declare
How did she get back there?

I swear I do declare
How did she get back there?