Titties N Beer (Live At The Palladium, NYC / 10-28-77 / Show 2)

It was the blackest night
There was no moon in sight
You know the stars ain't shining
'Cause the sky's too tight

I heard the scary wind
I seen some ugly trees
There was a werewolf honking
'Long the side of me

I'm mean 'n I'm bad, why'know I ain't no sissy
Got a big-titty girly by the name of Chrissy
Talking about her 'n my bike 'n me
'N this ride up the Mountain of Mystery, mystery

I noticed even the crickets
Were actin' weird up here
'N so I figured I might
Just drink a little beer
I said, "Gimme summa that what yer sucking on
But there was no reply
'Cause she was gone

Where's those titties I like so well
In my goddamn beer!
Is what I started to yell, then I heard this noise
Like a crunching twig, 'n up jumped the Devil
He's about this big

He had a red suit on
And a widow's peak
And then a pointed tail
'N like a sulphur reek

Yes, it was him alright
I sweared I knowed it was
He had some human flesh
Stuck underneath his claws
Y'know, it looked to me
Like it was titty skin
I said, "You son of a bitch!"
'Cause I was mad at him

Well he just got out his floss
'N started cleanin' his fang
So I shot him with my shooter
Bang Bang Bang

Then the sucker just laughed 'n said
Oh, put it away
You know, I ate her all up . . . now what you gonna say?
You ate my Chrissy?
Titties 'n all!
Well, what about the beer then, boy?
Ah were the cans this tall?

Even her boots?
Would I lie to you?
Shit, you musta been hungry!
Yes, this is true

Don't they pay you good
For the stuff that you do?
Well, you know
I can't complain when the checks come through

Well I want my Chrissy
'N I want my beer
So you just barf it back up
Now, Devil, do you hear?

Blow it out your ass, motorcycle man!
I mean, I am the Devil
Do you understand?
Just what will you give me for your
Titties and beer?
I suppose you noticed this little contract here

Yer goddam right, you
Son-of-a-whore
That's about the only reason I learned writin' for

Gimme that paper bet yer ass I will sign
Because I need a beer
'N it's titty-squeezin' time!
Man, you can't fool me you ain't that bad
I mean you shoulda seen some of the souls that I've had
Oh, yeah?
Why there was Milhous Nixon 'n Agnew, too
'N both of those suckers was worse 'n you
Well, let's make a deal if you think that's true
I mean, you're the Devil so
Whatcha gonna do?

Titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer
No! Don't sign it! Give me time to think
I mean
Alright!
Hold on a second, boy
'Cause that's Magic Ink!
And then the Devil let go of his pickle
'N out jumped m'girl
They heard the titties plop ploppin
All around the world, she said
I got me three beers and a fist fulla downs
And i'm gonna get ripped, so fuck you clowns!
Then she gave us the finger
It was rigid 'n stiff
That's when the Devil, he farted
An' she went right over the cliff

Well, the Devil was mad
I took off to my pad
I swear I do declare!
How did she get back there?
I swear I do declare!
How did she get back there?
I swear I do declare!
How did she get back there?
I swear I do declare!
How did she get back there...