Have a Seat

Sit down in my office chair, greasy palms and a blank stare
Log into the chat room, to spread some terror and some doom
I'm thirty pounds overweight and it's time for me to masturbate
Peer at the names at my chatlist
The excitement makes me clench my fist
Who could she be, where is she at
I ain't gonna beg you little brats

Start a chat with Maureen who says she's only thirteen
I ask her where she comes from, she says she lives in bloomington
Do you like the boys at school?
She says no but you seem cool
This is her i found the one
It's time for me to have some fun
Drop my pants, snap a pic
And send her a jpeg of my dick

Whoa, god i love the internet
Whoa, has the session started yet
Whoa, she will not forget
Whoa she saw it on the internet

And so three days go by with no sign of my sweetie pie
I'm starting to get alarmed, why would she go and break my heart?
Finally she logs back in and i can't help but grin
Our love is pure and so true
No one can tell me what to do
I'm fifty eight and she's thirteen
It's the purest love you've ever seen

I ask her where you been, she said she was on vacation
I ask her if she got my pic she says yeah, your dick is really big
I ask her if she'd like to see it up close and personally
She says you know i would now what day would work for you

Whoa, god i love the internet
Whoa, has our session started yet
Whoa, hey look, i got a new message
Whoa, and this is what it said

My parents are going out of town
There won't be anyone around
And though you live six hours away
You can come and stay the day
You can do whatever you want
Use the back door use the front
Bring the condoms, bring the beer
I'll just be waiting here

And so i pull up to the driveway
And i walk into the doorway
As i step into the kitchen
Chris hansen, is there waiting
He tells me to have a seat