Father's Day

Tears still rolling down my face
Simple fact it being Father's Day
My confidence was confiscated
More confrontations, shortened patience
I'm aggravated, agitated
Hate to say this, I ain't been a father lately
And I feel like I been a screw up
But then everybody needs to tune up
Self observation, conversations
Choices made, I'm tryna find some confirmation
Damn, how the fuck did I get here though?
My own pops wasn't round to see his kids grow
And I be damned if I follow where his foots go
My baby mom took my kids about a year ago
I can't lie, shit is hard, she don't get it though
Every day the kids asking where their daddy go
Shit, still praying for a better way
I visualize good times when I meditate
To be alone on my own on this Father's Day
Tears still rolling down my face
To God I pray
To each his own, I can't condone
I compensate, the weed relates
And freeze the mind of my mistakes
I smoke and drink, I contemplate
I start to think, I hate my baby mama
But that ain't true, but that ain't true
Wear my shoes, I bet you couldn't fit in 'em if you tried to
I'm sick of lies, I'm tired of what I'm going through
It all starts with your kids not knowing you
Am I putting too much time in this vocal booth?
Am I spending too much time with my new boo?
Or do you do it for your fam or the new coupe?
Holidays of change ain't what I'm used to
I was tryna refrain from doing court moves
Never, ever a fan of doing court rooms
Too many regrets, it's all in my head
It's really not true cause all that I do was for my kids, damn
Living on edge, I'm praying for help
It's Father's Day and I'm feeling like I hate myself
I hate this fame and sometimes, I hate this game
But it's gon' change, yeah yeah, this shit gon' change
Happy Father's Day
Hate it had to be this way
Happy Father's Day
I hate it had to be this way
My heart beats this way
That why my heart beats this way
I hate it had to be this way
As the tears rolling down my eyes
One day, wonder if my girl think it's kinda weaker to cry
Baby mom sending threats, tryna seek and divide
Add up too, hell rude cause I'm happy inside
Met a queen, Lord knows he just give me a sign
Who gon' grab my hand? Who gon' wipe my tears?
She gon' pat me on the back like it's alright, my dear
Still wishing every day I had my grandma here
But hey, that's the way that life is though
We all living just to die, the way this script goes
Shit, no answers, screaming fuck cancer
Staring at the pick of my son, he so handsome
First born, my baby girl, it's so special
FaceTime to see 'em smile and say I love 'em
First Father's Day alone, I had to suffer
Still counting blessings cause they ain't had to struggle, Lord
Happy Father's Day
Hate it had to be this way
Happy Father's Day
I hate it had to be this way
My heart beats this way
That why my heart beats this way
I hate it had to be this way
See a nigga going through
Make a change what I'm going through
Sometimes people never understand 'til it all hits the fan
Should have listened to 'em, warned you
But that's life and we never get to live it twice
I understand not many of us ever get it right
But hopefully you kinda close before you see the light
The realest shit I ever wrote in my whole life
Yeah, and to my son and my beautiful daughter
I'm sorry I wasn't better for you and your brother
That bad blood in between me and your mother
We both did things back and forth to each other
I apologise, go and dry your eyes
There's gon' come a time when it's all
aligned, daddy's signing you them lullaby's
Me and baby boy, throwing up the high five
And baby girl probably passing me the pompoms
Not mine but on God's time
Still wishing y'all was close cause I know the way that time flies
On this day I was really in my feelings
Roll another blunt cause I been trying not to feel it
Tears falling down on the pad on what I've written
Part of me just gotta forgive, my daddy missing
Cause I am nothing like him
I'm so unlike you, going through it like them
Shit, growing up right in front of your eyes
Far from the perfect that we seeking to find
There's a beauty in the struggle when you growing inside
All my insecurities just on a platter besides
I'm alive, I'm alive
And besides, shit, I'm alive
Happy Father's Day
Hate it had to be this way
Happy Father's Day
I hate it had to be this way
My heart beats this way
That why my heart beats this way
Love y'all