Love Letter

My dear beloved
I fear love as I fear you
Through my laughter, I can hide what bothers me
Not always
Sometimes I laugh because I laugh

I cried when you left
I cried so hard
I cried 'til no tears were left to cry
And I hated love
I felt empty and worn
Betrayed and used
I felt abandoned and useless
All felt useless and unworthy

It was then, that I closed all doors to my heart
I closed them and I laughed, but I did not really laugh
After a while, I started to feel joy again
I discovered music again and I wrote
I wrote so much

And all the while I hoped to never see you again
Because, seeing you meant to feel again your touch
I will never forget how we sat in perfect
Silence, listening to bad musicians trying to be funny
And we said nothing, and just held each other
I shall never forget that

It was then that I knew that, a part of me belonged to you forever
And I could not say what part it was
It wasn't my body, and it was more than my heart
Some would call it magic, others love
I don't know how you call it
I don't know what it was, but I could have sat there forever

And now, I'm coming back
Although it was you who left
But I'm coming

And I fear love
I fear love, because more than love, I fear rejection
I fear rejection and abandonment, and blame, guilt or addiction
To not be touched
To not be loved
That is what I fear

Yes, I fear to not be loved
In fact, to fear to not be loved
Belongs to love, because love is so delicate
It disappears if you do not care for it

Love is like snow
It falls only under certain conditions and it
Stays only for a season and then, melts away

That is what I have experienced with love
And why with you is it, that I want it to stay forever?
And then it's not winter nor spring
Is the moment when I touch your hands
And feel your nearness and your silence

And within this silence I can hear you, but not in words
I hear something else
And it can only be you, because you sound different
You sound different than the rest
And I have heard many, but you sound different

Like the palms of your hands, they felt unique in mine
As if they belonged to me
Your head on my breasts, feel like the first touch
Your lips when they rest on my skin
They feel like the only lips, I want to have on me everywhere softly
I want your gentle love

Yes, I fear brutality and violence
Within this softness, because I know it
I have known it
And now, I fear love
Maybe I have always feared
But I'm coming, my love
I'm coming

And I want to be gentle
And I want your gentle touch
Please be patient with me

I have known other than pure love
I have known other than pure love
Let us be gentle, my love
And not fear love

Let us, be us
Let us be touched by silence
When we hold each other's hands
When we hold each other's hands