Drowning

I depended on you when I was low, it only made me lower
Ironic my lowest times seem to come at me when I'm sober
On the floor, usually where I'd end my night
Thought a little dose of you nightly would have me feeling right, I was wrong
Feel outta place every time I realize the feelings gone, been harder for me to stay strong
Can't help but cry when I'm alone
In your presence I'm protected by the feeling perhaps, my pops had a thing for you too guess I'm a victim of that
In fact we even shared you a couple times, but when the feelings back he say I dare you to touch what's mine
It got me thinking, are you really my true love or do you slowly have me sinking
In regret, vision blurry make it hard to watch my step
So I turn to my peers, what I found left me in fear
Cuz I look around and ain't surprised it ain't nobody here
Maybe that's the reason that I turned to you
Probably jump off the bridge if there was one, but I burned a few and learned a few
Things about myself along the way, like I seem to be content when you visit me through the day
Or how I got so much to say but you help me express it
They tell me every time I'm with you I'm blocking my blessings, but I don't ever listen
Weight of the world on my shoulders, struggling trynna find closure
Never liked advice, clearly ain't change in me when I got older
Maybe I was lacking guidance, found a better solution than blocking feelings and hiding
But was it worth it? future ain't bright from here lately struggling to find my purpose
Was supposed to make me feel better than this, I'm feeling worthless
Used to elevate me, now I fail to reach the surface
Used to be the one I'd run to for escape each time I'm hurting, weak how I'm sounding
Well aware that my time been running out my heart is pounding
Wonder if I'll find someone to help me save from drowning