The Dark Night of the Soul

Growing up, the river and the mountain were a fountain of life for us
We knew how to play in the water and how to rest in the shade
And navigated the currents
And recognized the way that the face of the mountain smiled just like our father's
And the song of the river sounded just like our mother's
And the sunsets in the valley glowed just like our worldview
And the lightning had not yet torn that world in two
When I saw one of the sparrows fall, I knew that when she hit the soil
The earth would break like our heart-quake until it could not be called that at all
Of course the world is grey
Of course the mountain is no longer a mountain
And the rivers have turned to snakes
I will never forget the way that her father writhed in the dirt
The day that he wept over the grave he made for his daughter
After begging you to let her stay
So, where is the lullaby that our doctrine sang?
Where is the house on the rock when even the rock couldn't withstand the rain?
What does it mean
You who uses spit to clean the eyes of blind men
Suddenly guilty for all that they have claimed to see?
It's not that I don't believe
It's just that sometimes, faith feels more like cataracts than clarity
Please, go gentle on me

In obscurity and silence and absurdity and violence
The quiet reminded me that the surest sign I don't understand
Is to be sure that I do
"I knew more before I knew more," he said
And just outside the room
I watched her die for 45 minutes while they tried to revive my child
And when she finally pulled through
I thought of death and resurrection
And how much I hated You
I love You for it
You've been gone so long, I've been raging at the night in all its emptiness
All its nothingness
All its silent, darkened sky
I've been searching for the sadist who keeps taking his sweet time to let us see
Or let us leave, or let us move on with our lives
Now that You've finally shown Yourself again
I've got my fists raised high for the bliss it is
To finally have a Christ to crucify
And then to kiss
You let me lose my mind, and I loved You for letting me hate You
And I barely recognize the lines that the rivers make on the mountain face
Or the color of Your eyes
I thought that they were black and white
I thought I knew the creeks
I thought that they were black and white

Keep forgiving
Keep forgiving
Let God be wild
Let God be wild
Let God be wild
And let me be free