When I Get to Heaven

When I get to heaven
I'm gonna shake God's hand
Thank Him for more blessings than one man can stand
Then I'm gonna get a guitar
And start a rock-n-roll band
Check into a swell hotel
Ain't the afterlife grand?

And then I'm gonna get a cocktail
Vodka and ginger ale
Yeah, I'm gonna smoke a cigarette that's nine miles long
I'm gonna kiss that pretty girl on the tilt-a-whirl
'Cause this old man is goin' to town

Then as God is my witness
I'm getting back into show business
I'm gonna open up a nightclub called "The Tree of Forgiveness"
And forgive everybody ever done me any harm
Well, I might even invite a few choice critics
Those syph'litic parasitics
Buy 'em a pint of Smithwicks
And smother 'em with my charm

'Cause then I'm gonna get a cocktail
Vodka and ginger ale
Yeah I'm gonna smoke a cigarette that's nine miles long
I'm gonna kiss that pretty girl on the tilt-a-whirl
Yeah this old man is goin' to town

Yeah when I get to heaven
I'm gonna take that wristwatch off my arm
What are you gonna do with time
After you've bought the farm?
And them I'm gonna go find my mom and dad
And good old brother Doug
Well I bet him and cousin Jackie are still cuttin' up a rug

I wanna see all my mama's sisters
'Cause that's where all the love starts
I miss 'em all like crazy
Bless their little hearts
And I always will remember these words my daddy said
He said, " Buddy, when you're dead, you're a dead pecker-head"
I hope to prove him wrong
That is, when I get to heaven

'Cause then I'm gonna get a cocktail
Vodka and ginger ale
Yeah I'm gonna smoke a cigarette that's nine miles long
I'm gonna kiss that pretty girl on the tilt-a-whirl
Yeah this old man is goin' to town
Yeah this old man is goin' to town