Good Guy Shoes Intro

There they were
Sitting on my bed in a big yellow box
The shoes I'd been waiting my whole life for
I pulled straight A's this report card, so dad picked them up for me
I set my backpack down and proceeded to examine them
The craftsmanship of the box, beautiful
Then I slid out the drawer
There they were
The Good Guy Shoes
Amazing

On top said a letter
A message written in blood
Well, not blood
It was red marker, but still
It kind of looked like blood
Anyways, I read the letter aloud

"To whom it may concern
These shoes are possessed by the soul of an evil
Redheaded, Irish thug named Doug
Whoever wears these shoes will become Doug the Irish Thug
Seriously, this is not a joke
Doug will take over your body
And you will lose all control of yourself
And your hair will even turn red!
Wear at your own risk"

I'm not gonna lie, the message was really creepy
But I thought to myself
"This has to be a joke
Plus, if Doug was a ginger
Then how could his soul possess the shoes?
Everyone knows that gingers don't have souls
Rookie mistake by the prankster
Plus, I've been waiting for these shoes for years!"

There was no way I was going to pass up this opportunity
So I crumpled up that stupid note and threw it on the ground
Then I busted those shoes out
Hugged them, rocked them, gave them a kiss
And slipped them on my feet
And that's when it happened