A Healthy Obsession

I've got a healthy obsession for change

It's all I can think about
It's building my rocket ship to takeoff
It's exercising patience to have enough fuel to complete the journey
It's mapping a route through asteroid belts
And allowing the gravitational pull between the planet and the moon to propel the trip

Speed isn't the issue, it's focus, determination and dedication to see it through to the end
It's balancing all the resources to cover the trip and keep us alive once we arrive
And sow our seeds to reap the benefits of the first harvest
It's a punt into the unknown, it's a bet on our future
It's not so much about colonisation but discovery, it's wondering what life is like outside

This healthy obsession of mine is what happens when you've run out of tolerance for everything around you
The noises, the voices, the personalities, the conflicts
The forever retreating into the confines of your padded cell to shut yourself off from all the distortion
Getting caught in a sinking sandpit of toxicity
It's my last ditch attempt at sanity and having peace of mind

I want to leave, I have to leave, I've outgrown what life is here
I've outgrown the conflicts, the battles, remaining impartial in such a toxic environment
Living in a shack on the no mans land between three fronts

I've endured much
I may not say it but on the inside I'm deteriorating
I've reached the point where I can no longer retreat inwards
I've completely shutdown to the point where I can no longer muster or string together a sentence
I'm done

I need to get out of this sunken place as I'm no longer comfortable here
Home is no longer where my heart is, my heart and mind seek inner piece elsewhere
A quieter and peaceful place, far away from all I've ever known

I guess my healthy obsession is about finding a new place to call home
Which I can comfortably call my own
A place where I can be myself
Sow my seeds and reap the rewards of my hard work

On an expedition of inner peace and self discovery you don't tend to miss the old you
Environment or what once was.
Nostalgia neither comforts or consoles but plays a part in your own demise
As you feel comfortable to the point where you can box yourself in behind the illusion
Of high walls constructed by your hyperreal memories which select which bits
They choose to play back to you and the bits that didn't reach the edit are too hurtful to relive

They weren't really your mates, they didn't have your best interests at heart
They didn't even consider you when they acted, it was all done for self through counterfeit motives
So don't even feel bad for disappearing, just do you and do what's best for you

Pour your energy and resources into your relationship, future life and stay adulting

All set to go?
Yes
Destination locked, loaded and focused?
Yes
Alright let's do this, time to take off