Have I Got a Present for You

I can't believe what Christmas
Has come to today
All these atheists and judges
Trying to take it away
No carols in our public schools
No trees at City Hall
And they wish you "Season's Greetings"
At the Shopping Mall

Ain't you sick of it all?

Chorus:
Well, there's a war on Christmas
It's under attack
But this year America's taking it back
Separate Church and State
That's what some lawyer said
I say it's time we separated
Him from his head
You can call me "Unchristian"
But that's not true
'Cause have I got a present for you

(spoken:) It's the thought that counts.

Christmas is as American
As apple pie
It's the late December version
Of the Fourth of July
And they may go by separate names
But Uncle Sam and Santa Claus are one and the same

So boys, take aim.

Chorus 2:
Hell, there's a war on Christmas
It's under attack
But this year America's taking it back
Separate Church and State
That's what some liberal said
I say it's time we liberated him from his head
You can call me "Unchristian"
But that's not true
Buddy, I got a present for you

(spoken:) Hope it's the right size.

O Say Can You See this Christmas
Baby Jesus, 'Tis of Thee
I'm placing 50 shining stars atop
The Statue of "Libertree"
Then I'll go and jingle the Liberty Bell
Hoist "Old Glory" with an elf
But if you say I can't deck my halls
Then I'll deck you myself.

Chorus 3:
Well, there's a war on Christmas
It's under attack
Hey, this year Old St. Nicholas is taking it back
He's firing guns from his reindeer
Dropping bombs from his sled
This year, if you were naughty, you're as good as dead
He's wearing red and white
But you can throw in blue
And has he got a present for you
And St. Toby's got one too
Yeah, we got a present for you
As in the A-C-L-U

(spoken:) Easy, Rudolph. Down boy.