Father Figure

When I was a young nigga you were like my idol
Still you left me for pussy, this shit just goes in cycles
Man it's a shame, gotta watch your path when the ones that guide you
Wish I could be more two-facested, cause shit, I look just like you
Heart on my sleeve, was barely five and watched my momma cry
You blacked her eye cause you was snaking, had her wrapped in lies
All I could think about was rapid fire, blasting nines
Go ask for God, I pray the pastor got some slacks your size
So asinine, my be-ginning's no different, we were you and living poor
Used to beat my brother cause you said the nigga wasn't yours
As my niggas get all the shit that my momma couldn't afford
Man she still addicted cause you introduced her to the raw
Eddie Kane, how you came back just singing that some old song
Sipping empty 20/20, put some hair up on your balls lil nigga
This shit just hurts my heart, tryna paint a perfect picture
Ain't no filter for these thoughts,
And I just want my father

Inside I'm praying for help
And niggas wonder why I stay to myself
No daddy titles, them lables'll get you placed on a shelf
Aye, who gon call the shots
When I gave this game to myself
I'm on the rise, just know your son is raising himself
I wrote this song so I forgive you
When I start then there's my blessing
Feel sorry for my sister, hope your karma doesn't catch her
Your blood is running through my veins
Still crying tears thick enough to wash away the pain
Why should I answer your call
Remember screaming "I can't wait to grow up"
Man you said you was on your way
But you ain't never show up
That's fucked up, my shoes scuffed up
Wish I could say I followed your steps
But never that, the hood judged us
Trust this shit is hard and now I need a challenge
But all these unstable homes left a nigga unbalanced
Peep how I dress up my feelings
How could I be so stylish
These are the long-term effects of dealing with your absence
Now you wanna be a father nigga?

Yeah, feel this, uh
Sorry I made your shit hard,
and all that shit you saw I did to your moms
We never found our way,
it chased us at odds, these are the dangers I've caused
You kept your distance, dissed me, then placed up a wall, face it
Our love's a test and I pray i ace it tomorrow; wasted
This alcohol kicks in
I get the courage to face all the things that I resent
Wish I could try again, but she's no saint,
please don't think I'm pointing fingers nigga
'Cause these attempts are so genuine, I'm so anxious
And dying, your trying to make peace while I'm here
Hungry for forgiveness my nigga, don't feed me this fear
Just let me know when you get this call
Cause every second you let pass
I get closer to God
I lost my heart nigga

Hey Nick, this is your Aunt May.
I'm just calling to tell you that your dad passed this morning
It's a big pill to swallow,
But stay strong and give me a call when you get up
Love you