Lost Thoughts

It's funny how people tell you to be yourself, but then the same people judge you for it
Coz they don't know what you've done in life
They don't know what you're doing in life, especially with depression
Coz depression is like your lost soul who is stuck in a maze and each step you that take you lose your way
It makes you feel like your hopeless and that you're failing every day
Losing every minute and you forget how to feel normal every second
And that's why I have a question

Have you ever lived a double life
When you're claiming you're happy but you're fighting suicide
And you wanna express your pain
But you keep it in disguise so
So you're living life like it just do or die
Have you ever had them quiet nights
In an empty room but hear loud cries
And your tryna see the ghost but he's not insight
But it's you who's screaming in your mind

It seems like my mind is a prison and it's a madting
Coz my thoughts are the inmate
Tryna hold onto these bars but trust me I'm barely handling
And I'm stuck on the streets in fucking beefs where bones won't save you when I'm battling
I ain't no g-man if I got a knife with me then it's peak like Seeley Booth I'm gambling
My mind is in the rock, I'm tryna dig ways to escape like Clarence Angling

I'm struggling to paint my life coz I don't know where to start
I've lost colours in my images but fuck it I can verse without the art
I'm just another council kid, I'm exactly like you, I guess we're on the same path
You know being an athlete in a trap so you gotta finish this fast
And then shot this food to the client coz you know he's about to starve
And then give the pees to the older
And wait coz my future is in his hands and it's being carved
My whole family is broke and it's literally hard

Sometimes I sit down and think how I got into this
Seeing Donny getting 2 bills a day
I had money problems so I took the risk
I could have got a nine to five but the music glamorised doing a crime with a knife
Seeing younger's living that life getting pees looking more fly than a kite
So tell me why you wouldn't wanna live that life
When you're from an estate and your dreams get stuck in the middle like lifts
And you can't elevate
In a place that is full of piss and the stairs stink of shit
Seeing needles 100 of families living on benefits
So what do we do as kids
In South it's the planet of the apes so if you look appealing then we'll seize ya shit

And Not every kid is taught how to conquer; we instead learn how to survive from hunger
Delivering weights on our backs like a porter
Crossing different areas
Treating them like borders
Risking our lives, it's getting more shorter
That kat that you see begging on the street for a quarter
Is the same kat I'm supposed to link
He wants his food so he's waving at me like a supporter

Aghhhh

We as the younger's took the steps the olders have led
We all went right into the trap house till there's nutten left
I was a runner I was getting paid Five-O every time I shot a zed
Now I'm running from the Five-O coz I've got a zed
Man I'm just a kid with a lot of pain
I'm not like dem rappers
I'm here to actually explain how a kid fell into depression coz his mum gone insane
She's been neglected; she wants her life ended
She tried it many times, survived it all the time
Wasted years on her kids and now she regrets it
She would overdose on her pills till she lost her senses

Now the doctors are treating her till her body cleanses
Asking us what are causes of her stresses

But they don't know my home is where the stress is
My whole family is depressive
I look innocent
But inside I'm fucking aggressive
Like I smacked my friend for becoming a snake
Coz I know that he meant it
I know he felt it
Paigons trying to get me
Could I ever lack no I'm intolerant like dairies

Rarely

I live in a ends where its hell and it's scary
Where broken men are in jail, no time fix dem
So roads got the children ready
Equipped with machetes and semis
You ain't living by twenty
Had to grow up quick
Only 5 telling kids in my class to grow up there is no tooth fairy

We go through so many things we struggle to mention
I've been so broke that poverty sold me to depression
Coz I'm living a life where my dad wants to quit and go to heaven
And start asking GOD some questions
LIKE WHAT IM FACING YOU KNOW, WHAT!
WHY DO YOU GIVE SO MUCH PAIN?
WHAT ARE YOUR TRUE INTENTIONS

You know it hit you when you're trapped in your mind
And every thought is a tension
Standing in the mirror not even recognising your own reflection
Spinning out of control
You feel worthless in this world
Looking to run but you lost your directions
Back in the same place
Shit feels like failing is an obsession
Freedom in your hands but I'm still serving a mental sentence

I got two minds, who do listen to
One says commit life
The other says commit to life
Most of the days I don't know what I should do
I'm a lost kid selling two O's in a bottle like Yazoo
And I'm moving paro
You know the roads got to you
When u can't face your own shadows

Have you ever lived a double life
When you're claiming you're happy but you're fighting suicide
And you wanna express your pain
But you keep it in disguise so
So you're living life like it just do or die
Have you ever had them quiet nights
In an empty room but hear loud cries
And your tryna see the ghost but he's not insight
But it's you who's screaming in your mind