If It Were Easy

Headed home across town
Stumble on a shakedown
Panicking I look around
Run through an open door
Into a stakeout
Where I can make out
Greasy chinese take-out
And shells on the floor

The cop says no harm
Then tries to kiss my arm
I set off the fire alarm
And smack him till he bleeds
His face is raw hash
And in my mad dash
I grab his petty cash
And sunflower seeds

If it were easy
If it were easy
If it were easy, easy
It wouldn't be for me

He fires a warnin'
It grazes my chin
The blood's not stoppin'
I'm feeling kinda stressed
Pop into Old Mac's
Order a Johnny Black
But Mac's having a heart attack
So I pound him on the chest

Up comes a cop car
Uniforms storm the bar
Pry the pickled egg jar
From Mac's dying grip
Try to resuscitate
But it's just too late
I dive under the sewer grate
And give 'em the slip

If it were easy
If it were easy
If it were easy, easy
You know it wouldn't be for me, no

I come up all wet
Hightail to my sublet
Try to light a cigarette
But none of them are dry
And then Aretha sings
That's how my phone rings
Rudy's got some hot wings
Can he come on by

I shower real quick
Put on some lipstick
Kick my losing quick pick
And crack my toe
Then Rudy's yellin'
Let me the hell in
And finally I'm tellin'
Today's tale of woe
'Cause we both know

If it were easy
If it were easy
If it were easy, easy
It wouldn't be for me, no no no
It wouldn't be for me, ah ah ah
It wouldn't be for me
It wouldn't be for me