Everyone's a Little Bit Racist

[Princeton: Say, Kate, can I ask you a question? Kate Monster: Sure! Princeton: Well, you know Trekkie Monster upstairs? Kate Monster: Uh-huh.Princeton: Well, he's Trekkie Monster, and you're Kate Monster.Kate Monster: Right.Princeton: You're both Monsters.Kate Monster: Yeah.Princeton: Are you two related? Kate Monster: What?! Princeton, I'm surprised at you! I find that racist! Princeton: Oh, well, I'm sorry! I was just asking! Kate Monster: Well, it's a touchy subject. No, not all Monsters are related. What are you trying say, huh? That we all look the same to you? Huh, huh, huh? Princeton: No, no, no, not at all. I'm sorry, I guess that was a little racist.Kate Monster: I should say so. You should be much more careful when you're talking about the sensitive subject of race.Princeton: Well, look who's talking! Kate Monster: What do you mean? Princeton: What about that special Monster School you told me about? Kate Monster: What about it? Princeton: Well, could someone like me go there? Kate Monster: No, we don't want people like you—Princeton: Ha ha! You see?!]

You're a little bit racist
[Kate Monster:] Well, you're a little bit too
[Princeton:] I guess we're both a little bit racist
[Kate Monster:] Admitting it is not an easy thing to do...
[Princeton:] But I guess it's true
[Kate Monster:] Between me and you, I think...
[Both:] Everyone's a little bit racist sometimes
Doesn't mean we go around committing hate crimes
Look around and you will find
No one's really colorblind
Maybe it's a fact we all should face:
Everyone makes judgments based on race

[Princeton: Now not big judgments, like who to hire or who to buy a newspaper from—Kate Monster: No! Princeton: No, just little judgments like thinking that Mexican busboys should learn to speak goddamn English! Kate Monster: Right! Both:] Everyone's a little bit racist today
So, everyone's a little bit racist, okay!
Ethinic jokes might be uncouth
But you laugh because they're based on truth
Don't take them as personal attacks
Everyone enjoys them—so relax!

[Princeton: All right, stop me if you've heard this one.Kate Monster: Okay! Princeton: Alright, there's a plan going down and there's only one paracute. And there's a rabbi, a priest... Kate Monster: And a black guy! Gary Coleman: Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Kate? Kate Monster: Uh... Gary Coleman: You were telling a black joke! Princeton: Well, sure, Gary, but lots of people tell black jokes.Gary Coleman: I don't.Princeton: Well, of course you don't—you're black! But I bet you tell Polack jokes, right? Gary Coleman: Well, sure I do. Those stupid Polacks! Princeton: Now, don't you think that's a little racist? Gary Coleman: Well, damn, I guess you're right.Kate Monster:] You're a little bit racist
[Gary Coleman:] Well, you're a little bit too
[Princeton:] We're all a little bit racist
[Gary Coleman:] I think that I would have to agree with you
[Princeton/Kate Monster:] We're glad you do
[Gary Coleman:] It's sad but true!

Everyone's a little bit racist
All right!
[Kate Monster:] All right!
[Princeton:] All right!
[Gary Coleman:] All right!
Bigotry has never been exclusively white

[All:] If we all could just admit
That we are racist a little bit
Even though we all know that it's wrong
Maybe it would help us get along

[Princeton: Oh, Christ, do I feel good.Gary Coleman: Now there was a fine upstanding black man! Princeton: Who? Gary Coleman: Jesus Christ.Kate Monster: But, Gary, Jesus was white.Gary Coleman: No, Jesus was black.Kate Monster: No, Jesus was white.Gary Coleman: No, I'm pretty sure that Jesus was black—Princeton: Guys, guys... Jesus was Jewish! Brian: Hey guys, what are you laughing about? Gary Coleman: Racism! Brian: Cool.Christmas Eve: BRIAN! Come back here! You take out lecycuraburs! Princeton: What's that mean? Brian: Um, recyclables. Hey, don't laugh at her! How many languages do you speak? Kate Monster: Oh, come off it, Brian!]

Everyone's a little bit racist.
[Brian:] I'm not!
[Princeton:] Oh no?
[Brian:] Nope!
How many Oriental wives have you got?

[Christmas Eve: What? Brian!]

[Princeton:] Brian, buddy, where you been?
The term is Asian-American!
[Christmas Eve:] I know you are no intending to be
But calling me Oriental—offensive to me!

[Brian: I'm sorry, honey, I love you.Christmas Eve: And I love you.Brian: But you're racist, too.Christmas Eve: Yes, I know.]

The Jews have all the money
And the whites have all the power
And I'm always in taxi-cab with driver who no shower!

[Princeton: Me too! Kate Monster: Me too! Gary Coleman: I can't even get a taxi!]

[All:] Everyone's a little bit racist, it's true
But everyone is just about as racist as you!
If we all could just admit
That we are racist a little bit
And everyone stopped being so PC
Maybe we could live in—harmony!

[Christmas Eve: Evlyone's a ritter bit lacist!]