My Johnny Lad

I bought a wife in Edinburgh for a bawbie
Then I got a penny back to buy tobacco wi'

And wi' you and wi' you and wi' you my Johnny Lad
I'll dance the buckles off my shoes for you my Johnny Lad

As I was walking Sunday, 'twas there I saw the Queen
Playing a game of football wi' the lads of Glasgow Green

The Captain on the other side was scoring in great style
The Queen called the polis man and had him thrown in jail

Solomon and David they led very wicked lives
They went wenchin' every evenin", wi' other people's wives

But sometimes in the evening, when their conscience gave them qualms
Solomon wrote the proverbs and David wrote the psalms

Napoleon was an emperor; he ruled the land and sea
He was king of France and Germany, but didn't rule Jock McGee

Samson was a mighty man, he fought wi' a cuddies jaw
He fought a thousand battles, wearin' crimson flannel drawers

Johnny he's a bonny lad, he is a lad of mine
I've never had a better lad, and I've had twenty-nine

Now Britain's quite a country with strikes and droughts and such
On day we've got nay water and the next too bloody much

This country's in an awful mess its mortgage to the hilt
If they get their way at Westminster they'll pawn your bloody kilt

Now Johnny is a Nationalist, but Johnny he's no fool
Says, "All our problems will be solved when England gets home rule."

Nicky Kelly went tae Scotland "Doon In The Wee Room" for tae sit
Says, Ronnie Browne, "Gae back to Denver, you stupid, ugly git
Then Geoffrey Kent went o'er tae Scotland, tae play a round of Golf
He met wi' Gordon Menzie who told him "bugger off"

Now feeling sad and lonely, they could'nae take no more
So they spent their travel money on the whisky and the whores

The Queen was in the parlor eating bread and honey
The Duke was in the counting house fiddling' Scotland's money

Johnny was a bonny lad until they took him in
He had his operation and now they call him Mary