I'm Sorry

Hi dad

Okay, this is going to be hard
I have some things I wanted to say, from deep down
But first: let me clear off, this ain't gon' be like last time
I was stupid, and I'm sorry, but it's in the past right?
Second: I don't know if my emotions are clear
Cause I fucking hate rapping, but trust me, I'm sincere
So I hope that it'll show when I record this song
Cause I really want you to know, what I said, was wrong
Third: writing this is a fucking struggle
I suck at writing normal lyrics, so this is double trouble
And on top of that, I can't seem to put my head to rest
On this topic, but I'll be damned if I don't try my best
Okay, dad, I'm sorry, I know
I sided with the others and not the guy who was alone
I mean you had the girls, but still, it was no fun
Seeing your family make you hated, by your own son
And I admit it, I never ask to hear your side
That's my biggest regret in life, cause fuck, all this time
That I've spent thinking that you, were the bad guy
All I had to do was ask, but no, I didn't try
Cause I, was too scared to hear the reply
Thinking that if you lost me, you'd probably rather die
Fucking selfish idiot, that's me, no pride
But that's in the past now, and there's no reason to cry
Cause now I realize, that there's only one side
It's by the one who shows me love, and so should I
I might, not have the answers, but I'm, not gonna hide
I've been doing that for years, fucking more than 5
And as I wrote this, you called to say hi
You had some information, and it wasn't quite right
The doctors told you, that you might have blood cancer
I didn't know what to ask, cause you didn't have the answers
So fuck, maybe it will be goodbye soon
But if I lose, my dad, it'll be in a high mood
I'll write you, and call, if you're lost, I'll find you
Cause you're my dad, so it's not something that I choose
I've been an awful son, I know now
I was scared of you, because of my own doubt
You've always protected me, supported, guided and taught me
But most importantly, unconditionally, you've loved me
And fuck, I've spent so many years thinking you were wrong
But there's no right and wrong, only a stupid son
So I'm sorry... sorry I didn't ask
And I'm sorry that I didn't show you respect, dad
This song feels weak, like I didn't succeed
At saying what's been on my mind, for fucking weeks
But breathe... I think I got it out
Now all there's left to do, is make my dad proud

I'm sorry...