Letters

I'm hoping that you're happier now
It's been a while since I've thought of you
But you somehow still flow in my body
Racing through my veins
Because you're a part of me now
If only I could cut myself open deep enough
And drain every bit of you out

Tonight, I'm missing you
And I'll allow myself this drowning for once
And I'll choke
On all the words I've let myself eat at me
From the inside
My whispers turned to screams

I stare at the ceiling while my teeth dig in my cheek

Always aware
Always aware I'm alone
Always aware
Always aware of the ache in my bones

Thumbing through the notes that you wrote
All the shitty lines I've given and the time that I spent waiting
In an attempt to show you how much that I care
Showing how much I can fake it
But I can't take this

I stare at the ceiling while my teeth dig in my cheek

I've spent these past few nights here wasted
A habit that you hated
It wasn't worth it
You didn't deserve this so you left
And that has left things understated
What had happened and why you waited
It wasn't worth it
You didn't deserve this

I'm hoping that you're happier now
It's been a while since I've thought of you
I still find traces of you lingering here
In the letters that I wrote you

Why couldn't you stay
I swear I would've changed
Why couldn't you stay
I could've been the one you'd save