Lost

I've been searching high and low for something that I know can't be
And it feels like it's much darker now on everything I see
I thought it could be easier when I'd just sit and I would think of change
But I find that things just slip away as I drink to ease my pain

But now it feels like I'm just drifting out to sea
I feel the pull from the void of her name
Now all I want to do is to breathe and take away
All these voices flowing deep in me... the thoughts that never change
I'll do my best to find what's left inside of me...
And I hope that in time, all will be fine, and I could be free

How I wish that god would mend this all and tell me what to do
I hope she's got a plan for all this mess, if not, then what's the use?
See I know that things will never... ever... ever be the same
As I sit it dwells inside of me I know that I'm to blame

Still I question every single word I read
And I know it's a shame but see, all I want to do, is to find some clarity
But all these demons are creeping up on me, and my thoughts, see they never change
I'll spend some time, and I'll choose to decide what's best for me
And I hope that you understand why I doubt what I see

But underneath, I remember, every word I was taught that day
But now I see that all these people sitting very close to me
Would rather lie to save their soul then help a loyal friend in need
It's kinda sad, I sit and wonder how they justify these things
And I wonder if at night it's hard to sleep from selling out their dreams
Now I can feel it in my bones, in my nerves and in my veins
All I want to breathe is smoke cause I've been seeing red for days

Now I pack all my bags and leave it behind
I feel the breeze from the tide
I know that things are hard but I'll find a way to fly
And I know that it's wrong, I wish I were strong
Been fighting feelings of guilt for so long
I've got to let go. No, no, no
And I hope that she understands why I roam alone