Disappointment

Let's start from the beginning? No, let's start from the now
I know you're disappointed in me, I make choices that you don't believe in
But I want you to be there for me
And I know you are but sometimes it just feels like you're not
I need something to keep me going, to keep me alive
And all these things they give me a buzz, a buzzing deep inside
And I know it's hard for you to understand 'cause you're not me
And I know that you think, well, it's not healthy

I know that you disagree with everything I do
Everything I choose, everywhere I want to go
Don't lie to me, I can see it in your face
I know I'll never be what you want me to be

Well if this is a mid-life crisis then I'm in a state
Because I'm not fucking living to 34 mate
Haven't stopped drinking since last week at 9am
But that's fine, it's just how I get by
That's a joke - you don't believe it - well that's what I say anyway
Rather that than go the other way
I'm not ok, but that's ok
And I don't want to hurt myself today

I know that you disagree with everything I do
Everything I choose, everywhere I want to go
Don't lie to me, I can see it in your face
I know I'll never be what you want me to be

The decisions I make are in my best interest
You're not me so you don't know my best interests
In my head I know my best interests
But sometimes it's hard to make decisions because I'm clinically depressed
That doesn't mean I make bad ones, I just don't make them at all
But if I've stuck with something for a year it probably means its cool
I know you can't understand that but I do
And I don't care if you're sarcastic 'cause I do

I know that you disagree with everything I do
Everything I choose, everywhere I want to go
Don't lie to me, I can see it in your face
I know I'll never be what you want me to be

I'll never be who you want me to be