Three Years

I wanted to be a garden
I was trying so hard to bloom
Roses and lilies and lilacs
Pressed into bookshelves lining my room
And here's a secret I've never told
I'm not so scared of getting old
I'm a little scared of losing the way
Of eighteen being my last days

There's a lot of things I won't let go
I'm still shaking on long car rides home
There's a lot of noise inside my head
I still spend most nights lying
Wide awake in my bed

I know I caused the storm
But I'm still scared of the rain
I'm always outrunning the thunder
Always trying to change my name
I'm causing the slamming doors
And bruised knees born from hardwood floors
I've been prone to split lip lies
Always known for helpless cries

There's a lot of things that you don't know
I've got secrets hid away
Between the cracks in my bones
There's a lot of life inside the dark
I've spent most of my life trying
To turn the stars into sparks