The Conspiracy Of Homer Jones

Homer Jones was a man who loved his black-eyed peas and cornbread
He loved to plow the earth and go huntin' with all his hound dogs
With a three-day grey beard on his face at the break down of dawn he'd put his overalls on
Throw corn to the chickens, milk the cows and then feed the hogs

He had a young wife who had a dull life and a hired hand who was a handsome man
And it didn't take long for them to love one another
But it didn't take long for Homer Jones to become a bachelor
With jealousy in one eye and satisfaction in the other

The wisdom of his neighbors had been self-ordained
And Homer had them mumblin' in confusion ev'r' Monday
'Cause Homer got his wagon out and then hitched up his favorite mule
And always went to church with them on Sunday

Then, one day the high sheriff came, told Homer that there'd been many complaints
About the disappearance of the hired hand and Homer's missus
With total confusion on the sheriff's face he took one last look and left Homer's place
And Homer just grinned and hummed and went about his business

Things at the county thought they knew where the things they knew that they couldn't prove
And the gossipin' tongues of the curious grew much longer
They kept lookin' for somethin' they couldn't find 'cause the structure of their simple minds
Couldn't cope with the intellectual thoughts of Homer

The wisdom of his neighbors had been self-ordained
And Homer had them mumblin' in confusion ev'r' Monday
'Cause Homer got his wagon out and then hitched up his favorite mule
And always went to church with them on Sunday

Homer Jones was a cautious man superior to the inferior plan
Of findin' dirt on his hands from unrighteous labor
Every day Sister May dropped by his place lookin' for the answer on Homer's face
But he'd scramble her mind when he'd smile and say "Howdy, neighbor"

Then late at night when the ground was damp old Homer would swing his kerosene lamp
Makin' sure that they could see and hear his revengeful laughter
The hound dogs knew what Homer'd done, they howled and whined
But couldn't tell no one, so the congregation wouldn't find what they were after

The wisdom of his neighbors had been self-ordained
And Homer had them mumblin' in confusion ev'r' Monday
'Cause Homer got his wagon out and then hitched up his favorite mule
And always went to church with them on Sunday

Hah