Hector Crumpax, Pt. 1

I awake at the crack of dawn, feinding for the skunk sack
Rummage for my phone through the piles of food and junk scraps
Pick it up and start thumbing through my contacts
To find a random number from a man named Hector Crumpax

He had a leaf icon next to his name
So i thought to call him up, hope he's ok with chump change
The number appeared to be engaged
But got a call back right away from a man who seemed deranged

Phone hung up abruptly, soon as well discussed the
Quantity, and where to meet, just right after lunch, see

Give a pound and say what's up to my man Bumpy
Followed shortly by Alex Kidd failing to abduct me

Glance at the address scribbled on the page
Couldn't recall the suburb, never heard of the name
Crumpax told me just to take the train
All the way out to the last station called Acme Lane

Wait at the 88 tram stop
Right out the front of the animated hat stand shop
Next to that, i'll meet a man named Gandalf
He'll point me in the right direction of who to get the grams off

Now at this point i'm second guessin
Whether or not this cess man was the best investment
Or if it's worth beginning the quest
And then again, i remember i'm more obsessed than a meth head

Flash of light, and at the stand shop i'm waiting
But Gandalf seems to be lacking in punctuation
I'm suddenly approached by this Cavemen
Who calls himself Captain, but looks more like a wasteman

Claims he's Gandalf's replacement
And says come back to his cave for some drug engagement
Him and partner Grug insisted on persuasion
I told them "Back the fuck up, or i'll cave both your faces in!"

The fuckin queer geezers
Called for backup and out ran the Angry Beavers
I was taken back in disbelief
Then laughed hysterically as if tripping with Butt-head and Beavis

Couldn't fathom what happened before my eyes
Thought not to stick around for any other surprises
Set off, yet again, in quest for my Northern Lights
Can't believe this mission has turned into a cartoon crisis

Skunk sacks from Hector Crumpax
YO!
Skunk sacks from Hector Crumpax
Skunk sacks from Hector Crumpax
YO!

Skunk sacks from Hector Crumpax
YO!
Skunk sacks from Hector Crumpax

Gandalf finally appears from the darkness
Tells me which way to go, and turn left where the park is
"You're almost at the destination of godfather's
The apartment's right there, but beware of fight starters"

Ignore what's said cuz the senile old gran
Resembles the human definition of Amsterdam
Walk a few shops down and find at the newsstand
Is what seems to resemble a homeless Banana Man

Hassles me as I walk by, saying he'll give a dick suck
Man, shit aint been the same since The Tick showed him up
Vomit on himself as if a baby spit up
I kick him in the face and call him a washed up disgusting fuck

Approach the park with pre-caution
Slayer playlist on loud, n head full of distortion
Feinding for a cigarette, even just a small portion
Bowser and minions park chillin, I start to walk towards them

Ask em to swap spare change for a loosey
Get blank stares in return, feeling like i'm Gary Busey
Like i'm in the scene of a movie
Bowser turns around and slices 2 Koopas into sushi

Betty Boop huffin glue right next to me
And I knew this Koopa dude was into poop shooting hoochies
She's the biggest groupie in the toon scene
So i guess you could say i was saved by Boop's dookies

Duck into the apartment n arrive at Crumpax's door
Double knock, and double knock once more to be sure
Greeted by a man of 5"4'
Who mutters under his breath "Yo man, you lookin to score?"

Maxxin in a silk robe with neck and hands blinged out
I ask to come in, he retaliates with a distinct growl
He then scowls at me with a bloody fist and trowel
In the corner of the room, i see Mickey Mouse disembowelled

He told me to sit down upon the half ripped couch
Asks me how much, I say "Yo... uhh, gimmie an ounce"
"£350..." I reveal a big pouch
And say "Keep the change so you really don't feel the need to count"

Sack drops on the table with a sound that's deafening
Crumpax looks up at me as if I smelt of excrement
Hands me a package with a smirk that's unsettling
And replies "I would like for you to run a simple errand, man"

Skunk sacks from Hector Crumpax
YO!
Skunk sacks from Hector Crumpax
Skunk sacks from Hector Crumpax
YO!

Skunk sacks from Hector Crumpax
YO!
Skunk sacks from Hector Crumpax