Calm

(Ambedo
Noun
A kind of melancholic trance in which you become completely absorbed
In vivid sensory detail)

They called me different
They told me I would fall
They tried to steal my light
So I built up my walls
They made me feel alone
So I told myself I'm fine
And now they tell me it's no use living
When all I did was fight for life

But that's when I was weaker
Drunk on sugar water
That's when my tears ran from my eyes like rivers
Chills ran down my spine but now I
Cannot live the pastel life I'm
Drunk on dark forbidden wine
Instead of sugar water

So now
Do you expect me to be calm
When the mountains are shaking in rage
When the world's concealing my colors
How do I stay unfazed?
Do you expect me to be calm
When all I do is fade away
When they all want me to change
How do I stay awake

You said I'm not enough
You told me I'm too shy
I had to save myself
So all I did was hide
You embarrassed me
Filled my empty space with shame
But I searched the world
Until I found my flames
Again!

'Cause I'm sick of being weaker
Drunk on sugar water
Sick of when my tears run from my eyes like rivers
Chills run down my spine and now I
Cannot live the pastel life I'm
Drunk on dark forbidden wine
Instead of sugar water

So now
Do you expect me to be calm
When the mountains are shaking in rage
When the world's concealing my colors
How do I stay unfazed
Do you expect me to be calm
When all I do is fade away
When they all want me to change
How do I stay awake

I found my flame again
I'm burning deep within
My mind is like a carousel
Like an autumn leaf in the wind
Your words are fading now
They're footsteps in the snow
And I'm a blizzard
I'm a wildfire
I will fight the ghosts alone

Don't expect me to be calm
When the mountains are shaking in rage
When the world's concealing my colors
Just wanna stay unfazed
Don't expect me to be calm
When all I do is fade away
When they all want me to change
All I wanna do is stay awake