This Is Not Possible

If you're traveling with the band and you get to Frankfurt
And there's an icy feeling there and your feelings can get hurt
We got to the venue and asked the guys, "Is our equipment here?"
And they said, "This is not possible"
We said, "Well, it's cold outside and it's raining cats and dogs
Can we at least come inside and eat a Frankfurter hot dog?
We asked them is this at all remotely plausible?"
And they said, "This is not possible"
I said, "But we need to rehearse and a few of these guys just met
We need to get to know each other, and it's cold outside and it's wet"
They said, "Hey, we're not your promoter, he's on vacation
I'm a bartender, he's a bouncer and the merch girl's stuck at the train station"
I say, "Hey, we can roll with this
But can you please be the slightliest bit hospitable?"
They said, "What do you mean, 'roll with this'?
Are you from California, dude?"
We said, "No, we were just wondering
If you could be slightliest bit more affable?"
And they said, "This is not possible"
So we said, "Fuck you guys, this has been a waste of our time"
And so we headed out of that dreary-ass place

May I suggest a place when you're jet-lagged as hell?
It's twenty minutes outside of Frankfurt
It's called the Romantik Hotel in the suburb of Frankfurt in a place called Schloss Rettershof
That's right the Romantik Hotel in Schloss Rettershof
Schloss Rettershof
In Schloss Rettershof
The Romantik Hotel in Schloss Rettershof
There are goats and sheeps and horses outside
And the lady at the desk is very polite
We said, "We know we're here early but can we possibly
Get into our rooms early, if it's not too much trouble?"
And she said, "Yes, this is possible"
We go to lunch and the waiter brings three type of salts
And he politely and eloquently describes them all
I said, "Could I possible get a decaffeinated coffee with cream?"
He said, "Americano, espresso, latte, what do you mean?"
I said, "I mean a decaffeinated coffee with cream"
And he said, "Yes, this is possible"
I went to bed, and I was so tired I slept past 9 PM
I went to the front desk said, "I'm sorry, you missed your dinner.
The restaurant is closed sleepy man"
I said, "But you don't understand, I traveled a very long way from the USA
Can you please check with your kitchen and see what they say?"
And the guy from the kitchen came out and said, "Sure, I remember you
You're the guy who likes the tagliatelle"
I said, "Yeah, that's me, I'm the guy who likes the tagliatelle
I said, "Could I please order it again?"
And the chef said, "Yes, this is possible"

I woke up an hour or two late and my band members seemed moderately hostile
I said, "We gotta get to the road to Holland
But I'm hungry, do you mind if I eat as quick as possible?"
They said, "Sure, but we're late, but I guess your request is totally reasonable"
And they said to me, "Mark, yes this is possible"
I asked a waiter, "Could I please get a glass of water?"
And he said, "Perhaps you'd like sparkling or a still in a large bottle?"
I said, "Sparkling please, if it's not too much trouble"
And he said, "Of course not, yes this is possible"
And when we arrived in Utrecht, the hotel was delightful
Not like the one the put us in in Frankfurt, a youth hostel
I asked the front desk, "Could I please get a few extra blankets, and maybe a pillow?"
And the she said, "Yes, this is possible"
And late at night we went on a hunt for food
The place had many things to choose from
Burgers and shawarmas and falafels
I said, "Can I possibly get some fries and a falafel?"
And the man said, "Yes, this is possible"
And after I ate my falafel my stomach felt awful
I asked the front desk lady if she had some Pepto-Bismol
She said, "Well we have the Dutch version but I have to warn you it tastes very awful"
I said, "That's no problem. Can I have some, please?"
And she said, "Yes, this is possible"
As they say, "When in Holland, do the like the Dutch"
So I went to the henhouse to feel a hen's touch
I said, "Could I possibly buy an hour of your time, if it's not too much trouble?"
And the hen said, "Yes, this is possible"

So the moral of the story is that in the country of Holland
Whatever you ask for, they say "Yes, it's possible"
But in the city of Frankfurt, whatever you ask for they say "This is not possible"
But in the city of Rettershof right outside of Frankfurt
There is a peaceful hotel that is amiable and comfortable
I recommend it highly, take your girlfriend there for a week
It's dreamlike and magical and serene and quaint
Now if Germany calls and says
"Would you guys like to come over here and play a festival?"
I'd say, "Sure, if you could put my band in the Romantik Hotel in Schloss Rettershof"
But if Germany says, "Well Mark, this is not possible"
Then I'm gonna say, "Sorry, this is not possible"
But if they call and ask me to see if I want to play in Berlin again
Of course I'm gonna say, "Of course, this is possible"

Is it possible that my favorite Lou Reed album is Berlin?
Yes, this is possible
Is it possible that the band Berlin wrote a song called "Sex"
That gave me a raging boner when I was 15?
Yes, this is possible
Is it possible that my favorite Jonathan Richman song is called "Hospital"?
Yes, this is possible
Is it possible that J.D. Salinger wrote my favorite novel?
Yes, this is possible
Is it possible that my favorite meal is chicken and waffles?
This is not possible
Is it possible that the United States President
Needs to be admitted into a mental hospital?
Yes, this is possible
Is it possible that I'm singing this song in Berlin
In front of thousands of people tonight?
This is not possible
Is it possible that I'm actually in the studio
In the Tenderloin in San Francisco in the studio singing to Jim on drums
Ramon on guitar, Jeff on bass, Chris on keyboards
With Nathan behind me engineer and I'm in a vocal booth
Yes, this is possible