Sofa King

Please, read from sheets
I am (I am)
Sofa King (Sofa King)

Scared of a bunch of water? Then get out the rain
Order a rapper for lunch and spit out the chain
Then kick a lungee of the tip of his timbo
And trick a honey dip into a game of of strip limbo

Odd, he couldn't find no remorse
A wink is as good as a nod to a blind horse
Of course his technique was from a divine source
Never knew the price of ice or what swine cost

One guy tried to bite the heat
That's when he discovered the other other white meat
Oh, the one they hate so well
He sure keeps it pyscho like the old bates motel

They came to ask him for at least some new tracks
But only got confronted by the beast with two backs
Knock, mouse is a made man
Villain laid it down like the best laid plan
Velvet the cat who the hell is that near the middle
Got y'all but it's not all bare and skittles

Prepare the viddles, got riddles and spittles
Crystal clear to the jock or the tittle
Tsk! It's hot off the griddle
Came to take the cake whether it's a lot or a little

Kaboom, doom is nervous large
You could tell by his blooming room service charge
Dark and tall to boot
The only thing was wrong was he was bald as a coot
Used to rent a van from Peter Pan to red and tan
And keep the human foot for his dead man's hand
This was when the mask was brand spanking new
Before it got rusted from drinking all the brew

Stankin' too, pew
Kept all his earnings in the bank and his shoe
Spat what he knew, energy for true
To all fake rappers, twenty-three skidoo

Excuse you, any room in the class front?
For a blast of the blunt, shrooming since last month
Doom a human in the mask I'm on the stunt
Danger zooming past mad fast on the hunt

Keep the streets, we got the city needing conquered
Discreetly with the city till they be completely bonkered
The fans demanded it, handled it, swallow it
His own brandishing, if only he could bottle it

Hmm, nah she could get messy
Feds tried to tortue him for the secret recipe
He said: "It's no use, I only know half"
"No speake de english, I only do the math"

Zzt, felt no pain
His brain was saturated with cocaine and rogaine
He said: "Try scan no thing three-card dead fly man"
"Go for bling he got bled"
"I jam over sting, see spots red"
"I am Sofa King, We Todd Ed"

We, Todd, Ed
Now, repeat all, very fast, please
I am, Sofa King (faster)
I am Sofa King We Todd Ed
No no, not so fast, loses meaning
I am so fucking retarded
Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho, you say, funny thing!