Five Little Ducks

This next song is a very, very old song
In fact, it is so old that nobody knows exactly who wrote this song
Or why they would write a song like this
But when it was first written, it was called a hundred little ducks
There are obviously a few, but a very few,
Traditional music fans in the audience this evening
My partner on my right, your left,
Keith Grimwood is not much on traditional music
So instead of doing the traditional hundred little ducks
We are only going to do 5 little ducks this afternoon
You'll thank me for this
Five little ducks went out one day, over the hills and far away
Mother Duck said quack quack quack quack
Ezra, I don't think they know this song very well
Perhaps you could explain the rules
After I sing "Mother Duck says",
Everybody is always supposed to sing in their loudest
Most obnoxious voices QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK
Four simple words
Mother Duck said QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK
UGH
Everybody go UGH
UGH
With feeling!
UGH
With more feeling!
UGH!
But only four little ducks came back
Now I have to warn you that we're in big trouble here because
If you don't quack a lot louder than that
And go UGH with a lot more feeling than that
Ezra will sing a hundred ducks and this will be a very long song
Four little ducks went out one day, over the hills and far away
Mother Duck said QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK
UGH! UGH! UGH!
But only 98 little ducks came back
He's a tough man to please. Help!
98 little ducks went out one day, over the hills and far away
Mother Duck said QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK
UGH! UGH! UGH! UGH! UGH! UGH! UGH! UGH!
But only 64 little ducks came back
That's still a lot of ducks
It's pretty good
64 little ducks went out one day, over the hills and far away
Mother Duck said QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK
UGH! UGH! UGH! UGH!
But only 63 little ducks came back
My fault. My fault.
We gotta watch him very closely and quit going UGH! when he does
He's very tricky
63 little ducks went out one day, over the hills and far away
Mother Duck said QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK
UGH! UGH! UGH! UGH! UGH! UGH! UGH! UGH!
But only 2 little ducks came back
Keith, why are these people clapping?
I think they realize the song is almost over
They probably know that it's time for
The competitive quacking portion of our show
First of all, I would like all the kids to be very, very quiet
Because it's time for the adults-only quack
Kids, what I want you to do is I want you to turn and look
And listen to the mature quacking voice of your parents and the
Other adults around you Who are
Responsible for your welfare and safety
Two little ducks went out one day, over the hills and far away
Mother Duck said QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK
UGH! UGH! UGH! UGH!
Very mature, I could tell
But only 1 little duck came back
But not very loud. Kids only this time, show them how to do it
One little duck went out one day, over the hills and far away
Mother Duck said QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK
UGH! UGH! UGH! UGH!
But none of the cute baby ducks came back
So sad Mother Duck went out one day, over the hills and far away
Mother Duck said quack quack quack quack
That was pathetic.
How do you expect the 5 baby ducks to find
Their way home if that's as loud as you can quack?